Any one feeling lonely

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Any one feeling lonely
28
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 10:37pm
Hello,
this is my first time posting. Ive been thru some tough woman's surgery and other health stresses. I handled it all alone and that was difficult. I now find myself worrying about every little health issue and make it very intense. I recently had a biopsy on a skin problem and it came back great but im now obsessing about the site the Dr. cut out and worrying about using antibiotic cream not using it....once i make a decision even with the Dr.s. advice I start thinking it was the wrong thing to do. This constant worry is so getting to me. I just want one day where I can feel free of it. I many times just wish there was someone to lean on a bit. I used up all my girlfriend time getting thru the surgery and now feel like any more would be a burden....ha ha they are sick of me. Im really just a fun normal person but ive turned into a loner and right now Im just scared again......Thanks for listening .....and blessings Me

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Avatar for kalimero007
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 5:08am

Hi Me,

I am visiting the board for the very first time and was doing some lurking when I saw your message.

First and foremost, I want to say that I can be quite hypocritical so, although what I am going to tell you can be very helpful, I am not always the best at implementing what I suggest to others (although I have used all of the following (or things very similar to them) at some point in my life). :-) It might sound odd to say this up front but I guess what I am trying to do is remind you that you might need to enlist help be it from friends or from people who offer services that are paid for like a counselor, massage therapist, etc.

1) You really need to learn to take a D-E-E-P breath slowly and to let it out slowly--in fir a four-count, hold for a four-count and out for a four-count. All of your panicking is going to wear you down and, frankly, can very well make you sick by wearing down your immune system as any stress can. Taking a few deep breaths with our eyes closed makes us mindful and being mindful automatically slows us down to make us aware of what we are doing (or not doing, as the case may be) to ourselves.

2) If you are able to, meditate. You might want to try crystal bowl meditation CDs (NOTE: listen before buying because there are some people who simply cannot stand the bowls no matter how hard they try); these work well for me because I can imagine the vibration going into every cell in my body. Of course, they are better "live" but not everyone has access to them. If you give me your hometown, I might be able to look up people who do CB work. Buying some type of guided meditation (which I usually need b/c it is just SO easy for my mind to wander!) could also be beneficial. If you aren't near a Border's or some other type of bookstore that lets you listen before you buy (a new age store would probably be your best place overall, though), Amazon.com has clips you can listen to.

3) Once you have reached a certain level of mindfulness of meditation, you will be able to see that YOU really DO know the answers to the questions about whether or not you should do X procedure or see Y doctor. Listen to your body. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and concentrate on a question. This should always be in conjunction with conventional medical consulations, mind you.

4) If not currently on depression meds, you might want to consult with your doctor about exploring this route. I am the LAST person to push meds on people but it sounds like you may be experiencing some situational depression. I know far too well with my back issues that constant pain and/or medical issues can really wear a person's spirit down.

5) There is a message board for people with chronic pain and one for depression. You might want to check them out, too.

6) Treat yourself to a massage or manicure or pedicure! These can be pricey so you can do an alternative with friends and call it "Spa Night." Everyone can bring their nail polish or masques or special lotions to share. I guess you could even get a company like Merle Norman in there and they give out samples. (I think it's a "you-are-encouraged-to-buy" scenario, though.) Massage is great, especially after surgeries because they can help you with lessening scarred tissue. I'd rather have a massage than buy a new pair of shoes--really!

There is nothing more important than health. When there is a cancer scare with yourself or in your family, it's easy to become so worried about the smallest things. Give yourself some credit. If you weren't worried after all of the medical issues you've dealt with, THAT would be of concern. :-)

I hope this info is of some help!

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 5:58am

Hi mom_allin and welcome to the board, I'm glad you are here with us.

Judy

cl-ivhjude

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 6:09am

Hi Sara, welcome to the board and thanks for coming out of lurking mode :)

Judy

cl-ivhjude

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 8:20am

Gosh Sara , thank you for your detailed thoughtful response. I wish you lived next door! It was also myself visiting this site for the first time. I will take everything you have said into my heart and I know you are right about everything. I woke up this morning and saw your message of someone reaching out to someone else and my spirits were helped so much. It was great you made me think it isnt unusual to have concerns but not to ignore the things I could be doing to help myself.

THank you again. Do you know what a good thing it was of you to write me back? I hope you do. THank you again. Patty

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 8:28am

Hi Judy,

I think all of the mentioned areas are things I need to llk at to make my best life. Im always trying to handle everything alone and I an mot sure I can keep doing that. After surgery a really good friend of 15 years jsut stop calling. I think she got tired of my neediness and a fella i had been seeing for almost 2 years never even called or came to the hospital. He later said He didnt think I would want him there during this "vulnerable period" I still find myslef wanting to call him when Im lonely although it is not something I really want to do.

But, I am healthy now and here I am being winey and I shouldnt be. God's goodness is coming through you when you write to tohers that need help. Do you know that? THank you again and many blessings back to you.

Patty

Avatar for kalimero007
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 10:03am

Hi Judy,

Thanks for the welcome. As I mentioned, it's often easier to tell people about methods than fitting them all in. I have a lot of problems with a "jumbled mind" which breeds disorganization and, thus, it always feels like I don't have enough time to do everything I'd like. My goal for this year is to regularly meditate and I've signed up for a workshop to do that. I can go under without problem in class but on my own...another story! I know wandering thoughts are normal and should be acknowledged but I have so many there's no meditation involved! :-) In any case...baby steps!

I don't see a file...I am not a full-fledged member of i-Village so I guess I can't access it?

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 12:30pm

Hi Patty, and welcome to our community!


I hope that you have had a good recovery from your surgery. Did you know that we also have a board for skin cancer? It's a small group of people, but they are very supportive. If you do post there, don't be discouraged if it takes a few days to get a response from those who have been through it - it's a small board and they are not there every day.


Patty, some people are very uncomfortable when it comes to serious illnesses. It brings up their own fears about life, health, mortality and most often they are just not ready to face these issues. So what do they do? They disappear, they run, they stay away. I've got a friend who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer a few years ago. About two years later the marriage totally collapse. He has his version of why it didn't work out, but I think that the fears her illness brought to the surface were so overwhelming for him that he closed himself in a cocoon and refused to go out until the coast was clear.


You are not being whiny at all, Patty. It's hurtful when the friends we thought would be there in good and in need are not there when we need extra support. There's a feeling of disappointment and betrayal. I felt anger for a very long time when this had happened to me.


I am glad that you are healthy now. I am glad that you are here. I am sending you positive energy. I hope that you will soon meet new people, make new friends, and that these will be true and strong friendships that will last through good times and less good ones.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 12:43pm

Sara,


When you go to the board's main page, you'll see three main headings (the ones highlighted in subtle pinky colour): "Life Works" (where we are in right now), "Treasure Chest" and "Explore iVillage and H &WB".


"Treasure Chest" is where we post threads with useful tools for finding our best life, including visualizations.


Have you tried to do yoga? I've found it very helpful in helping me access the quiet part of me. The first couple of months were rather difficult when we had to learn each pose, the breathing, and combining breathing with the pose and then with the flow. But soon enough, my body learned how the pose should feel, and the breathing became second nature. I learned to be in the moment, to put intrusive thoughts that would pop up into a box for to be perused later on. And then one day, I was there - in the part of me that was serene and graceful, filled and made of love.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 4:55pm
Sara when you first open the link to this board and here it is ...

Judy

cl-ivhjude

Avatar for kalimero007
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 7:11pm

Hi,

I've tried yoga several times and just cannot "get it" to save my life. It boggles my mind that so many people can find peace in it! :-) I originally started it because of my back problems in hopes of stretching away some of the pain. I was so uncomfortable that my back and other areas started hurting--and not the good kind of hurt after a good workout.

Best wishes,

Sara

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