Are you...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Are you...
58
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 10:40am

Are you as nice to yourself as you are to others?


Why?




iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
In reply to: cl_libelulle
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 8:24am
Mostly, although I'm not sure I'm there yet. This is something I've been working on for a LONG time. It's illusive because just when I think I'm not playing the martyr role, it jumps up and grabs me again. It's so ingrained in me. But yeah, mostly I'm as nice to me as I am to others. Sure try to be anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2001
In reply to: cl_libelulle
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 9:03am

>>So what makes you grumpy?<<


What doesnt?





 




iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
In reply to: cl_libelulle
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 2:17pm
I agree. I wish I could be more like that and am working on the road. Wish you had a magical formula but I know it is resolve and determination. I am such a people pleaser which will be okay once I work myself through on loving myself. I know it will. Keep up your balance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
In reply to: cl_libelulle
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 11:56pm

Yes, Molly. Most of us are much too self critical. I have an idea.

Write out an honest, accurate, factual and totally impartial account of who and what you are. Try to be clinical to insure your impartiality. After the description, write out your accomplishments, how you treat others and your family and help people. Everything you can think of and remember. Then write in two comparative columns what you feel your good points are and those you'd like to improve upon. Maybe even ask someone who really knows you to review it and evaluate if it is a fair account.

Now study it. If you received this or read this about someone else what would you think? What would be your first impressions of this person? Do you read with a different eye when it is you? I think you will be surprised at your answers.

You could even ask the person who truely knows you well to do it along with you (about you), so you can compare the two accounts to see if you were fair in your assessment of yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
In reply to: cl_libelulle
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 12:00am

I grew up with constant criticism, most of the time unwarranted, & physical & emotional abuse. I guess that played a big part in it, & although i understand that i am an adult now & responsible for my own actions, this is a hard pattern to break.

Oh, Ludam, me too, me too!!!

My only personal response to this thread is "I'm a work in progress." Enough said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: cl_libelulle
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 12:16am

''Why do you feel you treat the folks on the boards differently than the folks in real life?


Oh, I KNOW I do!''


I wasn't disagreeing, I was wondering why you do this?

Judy


cl-ivhjude
Living with Cancer
Cancer: Friends & Family Support
Finding Your Best Life


"With understanding, fear diminishes;
in the

Judy

cl-ivhjude

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: cl_libelulle
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 10:02pm

((((((((((Ludam))))))))))



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
In reply to: cl_libelulle
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 2:11am




No, I am not,sometimes I neglect myself to
make others happy.I spent many years as a
people pleaser,still learning how to stop
saying yes when I should say no.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2001
In reply to: cl_libelulle
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 9:01am

>>These old negative tapes resist the delete button, don't they? I sometimes also have a very difficult time. The words "You are a liability!" and variations of this sometimes pops into my head at





 




iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
In reply to: cl_libelulle
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 10:04am

Oh (((((((((((((LUDAM)))))))))))))))

Me too but minus the dh!! :-(

I can't believe anyone loves me or could. Due to my history and protective instincts I have never had a special love. I feel like noone ever wanted me but family says that is not so. I don't know. I am alone. I am 55. Except for my son I have always been alone. His father and I were in a 2 1/2 year relationship that was dysfunctional to say the least. I finally saw there was nothing there..of substance, I mean; but wasn't quite ready to walk away from it. That was when I discovered I was pregnant. My child was my gift for which I will always be eternally grateful. My delight.

I have been contemplating and making baby steps towards getting back into dating; a source of major fears and anxieties. I wonder who would really want such a messed up case and why would I do that to someone. It is different if you are already in a relationship to accept someone warts and all but to begin one..?? I am doing the steps but not feeling good about it. I just don't want to walk alone. I never have.