stressed caretaker of mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
stressed caretaker of mom
9
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 5:34am
dear best your life i am 42/f/ca single woman who takes care my mom who bedridden with bad arthritis . she is divorced and i only one around to take care of her! she don't like or want anyone else to take care of her but ,as a result very limited in social life other peoloe don't understand responsibility of taking care of parent can't stay out late , can't travel ofor more than a day, doesnt' help i 5 foot five and 240 so not exactly kind of woman for hollywood or cosmopolitan! so just wish have other women i can talk to and share cl cape cod reccomended you she seems like nice woman too! hope to hear from you soon,judy
Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 6:05am

Hi JudySmith


My name is Beth. I am now 45, and am also 240+ pounds. I am slowly losing that weight. (I was heavier). I also know the stress of taking care of someone. From May 2001-December 2004, my DH and I took care of my older sister. She had a myriad of ailments, including the systemic lupus that killed her.


Caretaking is incredibly INCREDIBLY time consuming, but more than that, it is MIND CONSUMING. We didn't go anywhere without so much planning. We worried when we were gone. It was our choice, and we would make the same one again, but it was intense.


So, what to do....well, first of all, contact your local Office for the Aging. They may have suggestions. Find out if there is a caretaker support group in your area...a local hospital might know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 2:23am
dear beth thank you so much for you beautiful message! you must be a great mom because you a great woman and blessed me to actually take time to talk to me so sorrry about your sister i had a grandmother and watched her go downhill with alzheimers . You must be a very caring person and your children are blessed too! unfortunately, buses dont run in my area late at night and not at all on weekends and i don't drive so limit what i can do my mom will only let me help her because had bad experience when tried someone else. so what kinds things you like to do i hope you will keep writng me this ivilolage turning out so cool first went to stress and women then referred to caregiver then referred to you and everyone so kind and supportive it so sweet but wouldn't you know none lives out this way wish you did how did you deal with the stress of taking care your sister and did you ever feel isolated lonely and sad others around not understand how much a respsonsibility was to take care of someone how did you cope i hope over time we will become good friends what do you do to lose weight if anything you ever want talk about i be here to listen to thank you hope hear from you soon could i e-mail you or would you prefer posting messages on board? write soon andf have a beautiful weekend too hope you did something nice for father's day but, he already has best gift awwife like you and specail angels for children i know they be nice because they would have you for a role model! thank you for caring you an angel to me! your friend,judy my birthday july 24!I turn 43!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 4:38am

Hi Judy and welcome to the board.

Judy

cl-ivhjude

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 4:43am
Beth my friend, thank you for your wonderful and insightful post.

Judy

cl-ivhjude

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 2:20am
dear jude: you very sweet too your group so kind to me feel specail bless you hope you have a great weekend too please feel free write me about anything from bad day to new outfit or if you just want have some gierl talk thank you so much your group are angels to me! your friend,judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 7:19am

Hello Judy,


My name is Poppy and we have a lot in common. First of all, we are in the same age group, and I am single, too. And I have been a caregiver for my sister-in-law since a year ago when she had a stroke. I was a full-time caregiver for six months non-stop. For the past three months I've had to step back a whole lot because I was too exhausted both physically and emotionally, but I am slowly getting back to helping her again but in a different way this time.


You are so right that not a lot of people know what it means to be a caregiver. For me, it meant paring down my needs to the very basics only because there wasn't time nor energy nor interest after a while for anything else. The experience has changed me in a lot of ways, from the superficial (beforehand you would have never seen me wearing flip flops outside the beach, ever; now flip flops are my number 1 shoeware), to the social (before I used to go out a lot in the evening; now it's rare that I go out, period), to my spirituality.


I am glad that you have found us and that you are posting here! Please feel free to jump in and join our conversations, Judy.


Talk to you soon!




iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 4:36am
dear poppy: did you get my e-mail how you doing hun im lucky find a woman who understands wahtbeing a caregiver is like hope your sister-in-law get better she blessed have you help her! i never had freind to write to in asia before thank you for writng me and know if you get stressed or just want someone to listen i here for you hun 24/7 bless you for writng me have a great weekend ,write soon you can e-mail too if you want, your friend,judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 12:09am

Hey there, Judy!


I've been away and travelling for the past week. I thought I'd have time to post and to reply at my email, but I didn't reckon on my energy levels. Whilst these were high, both my SIL and my nephew required a bit more than I had anticipated. It was all in great fun, the trip went well, but sometimes I have to remember that I'm not 32 anymore heh heh heh...


Have you checked out the Caregiver's messageboard that Judy had given you? There are also a lot of information for caregivers out these on the internet, with resources to help you.


How are you doing?




iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 2:17am
dear poppy it os nice to hear from you where did you go im glad you got a chance to go and do something that made you happy i been to caref=givers to they nice too but stress and this are two my favorite board how life treating you hun how is thye wweather? good luck with your jewelry wish i could visit you someday and have a party you sound like a very caring woman is therr anything you would like to talk about i here to listen hun tomorrow 4th of july get to watch neighborhood parade besides that just take care mom not invited anything and unlike most californians i do not have a barbecue or a pool but probably watch fireworks with my mom on t.v since i dont have a car and they just canceled bus service uop here on weekends and holidays! it is sopecial to have a friend in asia to talk too bless you dear and have a good day hope to hear from you soon! your friend alwasy, judy