At times my best life involves pain ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2002
At times my best life involves pain ...
10
Sat, 06-24-2006 - 11:29am

... in order to deal with

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 06-24-2006 - 12:15pm

Oh sweets, you'd only briefly mentionned about the loss and how it was affecting you.


((((((((((Diana))))))))))


Thank you so much for trusting us, for opening up and sharing this with us. I am touched and honoured by your friendship and trust, Diana.


We have two sorts of families - the one we are born into, and the one we create through our friendships and relationship with those who are in our lives. I've got friends who are three gazillion times closer to me than my cousins (and who love me a whole lot more than my cousins do, and whom I like and love a whole lot more than my cousins), who know my whole life story better than my siblings do. They've got children who love me better than they love their own aunt, and who know that if they are ever in need I am going to be there for them. When these friends hurt, I hurt too.


My deepest sympathies for this tragic loss, Diana. She must have been a very special person. I will say a prayer for her later on. How very sad that her life was cut short.


I am glad that you are feeling better and that you are ok.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 4:24am

''

Judy

cl-ivhjude

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 5:10am

Dianna, I totally understand what you mean about needing pain to deal with the pain. It's not that we need pain -- it's that life IS painful at times and dealing with it when it comes our way is the only way through it. We have to bottle it up at times -- because it's too big to feel all at once or because we have other responsibilities or whatever. But eventually, we have to deal with it.

The thing about feeling like you "shouldn't" feel so much pain over this -- first, we feel what we feel. We just do. Our feelings are as inexorable as our eye color. I could wear purple contacts, but my eyes are still blue.

The second thing, though -- I know when I was deep in the middle of my own therapy, there's a way your whole being can be so tied up in your relationship with that person that losing them is a horrific loss. I don't know if you were that connected with your caseworker, but I sure was with my therapist. I needed to be that connected for the healing to happen. I think at that point in time, losing him would have been as hard if not harder than losing just about anyone else in my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2002
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 9:34pm

Thank you for your comforting words, Judy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2002
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 10:10pm

Thanks ribbit,


We worked hard on our relationship, we clashed at first.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 1:12pm
Dianna, sometimes the complex ones hit us the hardest because complex usually means the relationship has hit a lot of our issues -- our hot spots. It had more tentacles in us. I'm sorry for your loss.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2002
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 4:42pm

Thank you, ribbit!


You're right.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 4:59pm

I am so sorry for this painful time, diana. Of course, you feel sad and lost. This is someone with who you shared your inner vulnerabilities, thoughts, hopes, and dreams. Many times family doesn't have an inkling of the inner person we truely are. Something in the family dynamics.
To lose someone close and in such an unexpected way can make it doubly painful. I lost a family member at someone else's hand and it is tragically different than other losses. I did not realize your case worker was lost in this manner.

((((((((((((((Diana))))))))))))))))))

I envy all of you the closeness you felt with your caseworker or therapists. I didn't have that kind of bond with mine. Maybe it was me or maybe the connection just wasn't there. It might have happened with my first counselor but our time was limited due to insurance restrictions. I know he made me want to get better; to work really hard at changing. That was 10 years ago. Wow. Has it been that long, really??!!

Anyway, be gentle with yourself. I can't think of a better tribute to her than spending time with others who remember her and in a place where her presence lingers.

Avatar for carpathia1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:05pm

{{{{{{{{{{Diana}}}}}}}}}}


I am so sorry for your loss and understand your pain.

Carolyn Don't Count the Days Make the Days Count! By Sis
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 2:50am

''I think it is crucial to feel pain to live your best life.

Judy

cl-ivhjude