Am I the only one

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Am I the only one
12
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 10:47pm

Keep in mind when you read this...I am A LOT better than I used to be.


Okay...affirmations...can't say them. I can finally use the slogans that are part of my recovery, but personal affirmations....can't...won't...don't. A long time ago I went to counselling. The therapist told me I had to say 3 nice things in the mirror to myself, about myself. My roommate (not even dating each other then, but he later became my DH) came home to find every mirror in the house broken. Although I haven't broken a mirror in years...still have a problem with the affirmations.


Now the meditations/guided imagery/relaxation techniques. I used to get so upset with them, that I would get muscle spasms in my shoulder/back area. My DH practices meditation and can even lower his heart rate. Me...I tense up and my blood pressure, which is usually low, sky-rockets.


PLEASE TELL ME THAT NOT EVERYONE USES THESE TECHNIQUES

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 4:36am

Beth you are right, not everyone uses these techniques.

Judy

cl-ivhjude

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 5:51am

Oh yes, yes, YES! Or rather no, no, NO! None of those things work for me, either. I have exactly the same reaction as you! I haven't ever broken any mirrors but I can sure get with that energy.


I don't even try stuff like that anymore because I know it doesn't work for me. In some ways, it's a pain because it means I have to do some experimenting to find what DOES for me. But in other ways, I really like that about myself -- that I have to find my answers within.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 7:12am

Thank you so much!! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one out there that can't seem to get it. Just knowing that is a wonderful thing.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 7:19am

Hey Judy!


I can center myself pretty well. I can count my blessings quickly, and see where I am as opposed to where I have been. I use song lyrics (as you know) and nature to balance my emotions out. Right now I am listening to birds outside my window (granted they will be ticked off soon when we take down the chimney they have been living in) and waiting for the horses across the street to come out. At work, I have a court yard outside my window with trees and

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 8:51am
What a lousey therapist. I'm glad you had the good sense to fire him/her. Mine isn't from abuse but it is from childhood stuff. I was my mom's ideal child. She saw me as perfect and I could do no wrong. Which, of course, also means that she never saw the real me. So in some ways, I've grown up doing all I can to make sure people see the real me. It's not a conscious thing but my unconscious keeps pumping that message out there. It's why I react the way you described to affirmations, relaxation, etc., and it also means that my body reacts in strange ways to medications, surgeries, injuries. It's all very idiosyncratic, which makes perfect sense to me, given my childhood. But it does make life challenging at times.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2001
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 5:23pm

Hi Beth.





 




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:53pm

''I fired the therapist, and kept the sponsor. ''


Beth you just crack me up with your wit.

Judy

cl-ivhjude

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 9:26am

Beth, it is not the same thing... but for a long time I couldn't look in the mirror and say things to myself. I didn't like to see my reflection. I still am not crazy about the reflection. Maybe it is part of the aging process and I don't know that lady!! ;-} I can look to brush my hair, do my teeth or check for unwanted facial hair ... yuck. But I do not look at the total reflection just a portion, or section. strange. But at least I no longer want to hurt it.. there was a time. I am better doing those things in the abstract without the mirror. I sometimes repeat them to others as they've been said to me (just in case they help or ease the pain) but I do not actively use them.. personal affirmations.. and certainly not in the mirror. I do, however, use some of them as personal philosophies and how I live my life.

I can so empathize with you. Not so long ago, I had to discontinue with a therapist also. He never attempted to even obtain any of my history or issues. I think he also trivialized any history I may have had. When I referred to an incident I had recovered he basically inferred that he placed no merit on what could be a "false" memory. The culminating incident was when he told me he wanted me to tell myself that I didn't have the right to say "no". I think his intent was to raise the defiant reaction from within. However, all my life I believed I did not have the right to say no. It was ingrained. I was brought up to do as I was told; not talk back and children should be seen and not heard. This was not a helpful device. It only would reinforce something I was trying to comprehend.. why it had such a hold on me. Honestly, I thought he was trying to "mimic" Dr. Phil's style. One thing I learned long ago was you have to be who you are and not try to be something you are not. What works for someone else may not work for you so do not try to imitate what does not come naturally. Anyway, on top of some other very questionable comments which made me crumble emotionally, I decided his style was not healthy for me. We, alone, know and sense what works and what doesn't. And, we "alone" need to keep ourselves safe in order to continue our recovery. Everyone is individual and unique and not everyone responds to the same style or technique. We need to find what works for us. I am sure your mirrors are happier. ;-} And, see ... you are not alone. Lots of people don't use the affirmations and have lots of different reasons and reactions.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:07am

As an amusing side bar, the therapist wanted me to attend a group for people who had been sexually abused. Okay, those are valuable groups. Problem was, the 4 other people had been abused by the alcoholic in their life, were vehemently against Al-Anon and I was an alcoholic, involved in the program and had been

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 4:57am

''As an amusing side bar''


Proves the point that shopping for a therapist should be done as aggressively as shopping for the best in any other field.

Judy

cl-ivhjude

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