Discussing past relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
Discussing past relationships
4
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 3:11pm

I've just started dating a new guy. I'm taking it nice and slow, as I just came out of a bad-ending relationship about two months ago (ex left me for a woman 13 years older after cheating on me for about 7 months). My concern is that I almost feel like I'm hiding somethng by not telling the new guy about this. Is this something I should discuss with him? And how long should I wait to talk about it (we've only had a few dates), or just wait for the topic to come up by itself?

Thanks for any advice!

Cowgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 3:20pm

it sounds like it's too soon to discuss your past with your new guy. if you bring it up he might think you aren't over your ex, even if you insist you are, and all you want him for is to have a shoulder to lean on or someone to help you get over your ex. I'd wait until HE brings it up - if he does. Otherwise, I think you need to wait a good while to talk to him about your past!

you aren't hiding a thing... your ex has NOTHING to do with your new guy!

good luck!

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 4:41pm
Oh my, definitely wait. I want to say wait until the two of you have been exclusive for a while. There is really no reason to share it with him, other than the fact that you are probably hurting as a result of what happened but, I'd keep it to myself if I were you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 5:00pm
Don't bring it up at all. If you do, he can get self conscious and back off. No one wants to be a rebound. It is way too early to discuss your past. Plus it really isn't any of his business why you and your ex-boyfriend broke up. Nothing good can come out of you sharing that info with him.
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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 5:24pm

Hmmm...I'm not sure I'd agree with the other posters. I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes when deciding what to do...and in this situation, I'd want to know if he'd just ended an LTR (although I wouldn't need to know the reasons), because I would want to take extra precautions against getting involved and attached too quickly.

I think sometime over the next couple of dates, a discussion of prior relationships (a brief overview...no need for details) would be appropriate.

Actually, I always ask when their last relationship ended on the first couple of dates, to make sure I have the information I need to decide whether to get involved or not.

Sheri