Busy vs Uninterested

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Busy vs Uninterested
10
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 5:05pm

After all of these conversations about when should someone initiate contact and a first date etc etc, I was curious what some of you would deem someone being simply busy but still very interested, or uninterested, or that to them dating is a low priority and possibly a waste of your time..

I met someone that I'm interested in and he's made it a point to let me know he has a very busy schedule with work, I have no reason to think he's being dishonest so I'm assuming he is that busy. I'm trying to let him make more of the effort than I usually do in the beginning so I can gauge his interest, he does make an effort to contact me and we've been out once (this past Thursday) and he emailed me the next morning saying he had a good time, etc. and saying he wanted to get together again soon.

In my experience, it seems like if I see someone less than once a week in the beginning (I don't really expect to see them more than that in the beginning), the momentum seems to be lost and it goes nowhere. I guess for me, the question isn't so much as when to expect a call but what would you say would be a good level of frequency if there's genuine interest?? I'm not even referencing this guy necessarily, but just in general, especially if someone has referenced having a very busy schedule?

Just curious...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 5:17pm

I would say that I'd need him to ask me out at least once a week to feel he was interested and willing to take the time to get to know me. If he can't even do that, how the heck are we going to have a relationship???

Of course, I'm willing to be flexible if he's traveling a lot, or in the middle of closing a deal one week. But if it happens all the time, then I'm going to lose interest.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 5:21pm
I need to spend time with someone I'm getting to know more than once a week unless he travels out of town rather frequently. I just feel that if he is truly interested in me he will want to see me more than once a week.
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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 7:18pm

I'm a once-a-weeker for dates and once or twice a week on calls.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 10:48am

>I'm a once-a-weeker for dates and once or twice a week on calls.

How do you get to know a person if you only see them once a week and talk to them only a couple times out of the week? Is that enough time to be able to bond with someone? Do you increase the amount of time you spend with someone as time goes by or is it always once a week?

I just personally feel that it is not enough to only see someone once a week especially if I really like him. I don't need to go out all the time but doing something as simple as hanging out at home is enough to get to know a person and form a bond.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 11:06am

I also prefer to see someone new once a week or so, for about the first month. After that, increasing it to 2-3 times a week is fine.

I also would not hang out at home with someone I just started dating. That comes later.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 11:20am
I think seeing someone once a week in the very beginning is a good thing. Too much too soon isnt a good thing. I dont know, i guess i'd have mixed feelings on the whole busy thing...i know people get busy with work, but it shouldnt be their whole life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 11:37am

>I think seeing someone once a week in the very beginning is a good thing. Too much too soon isnt a good thing.

Molly, what if you two get along so well when you are together and have a great time and he asks you to see him more than once a week - would you say no?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 11:48am

Over time, sure I see them more but I don't think I've ever seen someone more than 2-3 times a week and I can't stand a guy who calls all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 11:50am
If i'd been seeing someone for a month or so (once a week) and they said they wanted to get together more, if i was into them...yeah i would.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2005
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 10:25am

I too have been in the same situation, and it sucks the big one! People have busy schedules: true, that. But, the guy who wrote "He Just Not Into You" was probably right: if a guy's truly interested in a woman, he will go out of his way to MAKE time for her.

I've been out of the dating loop for several months, not really interested in the whole game lately :( Have encountered a lot of jerks, some nice guys, some perverts. The usual (was using Lavalife to meet singles). Though I have moments when I get lonely, it's kinda nice to not have to wonder about a man's interest, motives, and behavior. I spend a lot of time by myself, and actually enjoy my own company; independance is good for myself, personally. Once I'm ready for the whole game again, I'll have learned more about myself, and won't give a fat rat's a** about worrying about men ... I hope.

They are, in deed, odd creatures. I say, have fun, don't focus on him! Don't make any effort to contact him. If he's interested, he'll call you. If not, then you know he's not interested.