New Girl!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
New Girl!
8
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 5:27pm

Hello everyone!

My name is Nicole and I thought I would check this board out. I am single (obviously- or I wouldn't be here!) 25 years old, and I live with my two cats. I don't have a lot of family in the area and I moved a year ago to be closer to work, so a lot of my friends live far away. It is difficult to find someone to go out with.

I have been on several bad dates and I find that I enjoy my evening better if I stay at home with my cats and read Harry Potter. It feels a little pathetic sometimes......I think my mom has given up on me. I'm not unhappy, I just get lonely sometimes. A good friend of mine got married two weeks ago and I didn't have a date to her wedding. There was maybe one single guy there and I did not have any interest in him. I find myself to be doing a lot of things on my own now and I wonder if there is such a thing as too much independence.

I have tried the whole internet dating thing, been fixed up by friends/co-workers, etc, etc. Now one of my girlfriends wants to try 8 minute dating. I would rather let something happen naturally.

Well, I wanted to introduce myself and say "hello"! I'm heading home now to watch the news with my cat.

XXOO
Nicole

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: nad215
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 6:34pm

Welcome, Nicole!

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: nad215
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 11:10am

Welcome Nicole,

From your post it seems as if I am pretty much in the same boat as yourself, although, I am a bit older(32). I vacillate when it comes to my status. Most times I find that I embrace my single hood as well as my independence but, I also have those days when I feel the urge to throw a little pity party for myself. We all have those days, I think. How could we not?

As far as being too independent, I do think that it can potentially pose problems. Only because women's roles have changed so much over the last few decades. We don't really have a need for a man in our lives. We may want one but, don't necessarily need one. I think the majority of men garnish a certain level of pride from being the mainstay in a relationship/family. I'm not speaking from experience as I have never had this discussion with any of my male friends, however, the topic has been heavily debated among my circle of girlfriends. I have some who have actually gone to the extreme of pretending to be inadequate in order to make a man feel as if he is needed.

Something else that, from personal experience, may pose a problem is just the simple fact of getting comfortable with living alone. I find that when I start seeing someone rather seriously I have to reacquaint myself with several basic rules of etiquette such as, compromising and sharing.

Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble on. I believe each of these issues, with time and patience are remediable.

--I have not done the speed dating thing yet but, one of our regulars has and seemed to have a good outcome from the experience. Perhaps you can give it a try!




Edited 8/10/2005 11:16 am ET ET by bbw_26
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: nad215
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 11:19am

Carla, I've had the same thoughts about compromise and sharing (if I can ever find a man to date again...today's my pity party day, btw).

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: nad215
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 12:40pm

I can so relate! My nieces are always spilling their drinks and, they think they must bring over absolutely every single toy that they own. I love them dearly but, my place is wrecked after they've visited!

One of the last guys I dated, used to try to stay at my place after I'd left for work, every time he spent the night. He was self employed so, his schedule was a lot more flexible. Anyway, each time, I'd have to ask him to leave. It put me in such an awkward position!? " Yes, I am a control freak. Deal. " ; )

Did you start back to school today? How's it goin'? (not meaning to hijack the OP)




Edited 8/10/2005 12:42 pm ET ET by bbw_26
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: nad215
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 1:34pm

Don't worry about hijacking! I'm happy to get some good advice here, so post on!

It is true that I also like my space a lot. My sister visited for a week and I was just not used to having someone else there. She was really getting on my nerves after the first 24 hours and I could not wait to have my apartment to myself again. I would be one of those girls who would have a hard time giving up her independence!

I might try the minute dating thing.....as long as my friend still goes. I don't think that would be something that I would try alone.

Thanks for the replies/advice!

XXOO
Nicole

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: nad215
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 10:48pm

I forgot about the drool stain my sis left on my new loveseat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
In reply to: nad215
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 11:03pm
Hi Nicole, Im Heather. I just joined in too. I thought the board would be a great place to chat with other single people. Well I look forward to talking with you.
Heather
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: nad215
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 3:37pm

Hey Heather,

Well at least I am not the only new person! It is also nice to know that I am not the only single person out there. It feels that way sometimes.....

TTYL,
Nicole