Listening to your gut vs. your heart
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Listening to your gut vs. your heart
| Mon, 08-15-2005 - 12:48pm |
Out of curiousity, wondering who has dealt with making a decision based on what they knew in their head was the smart thing to do versus what their heart wanted them to do. I'm speaking of dealing with a guy, a guy who seems great, but has some things going on and can't give you what you know you deserve and need but your little ole heart wants to stick it out and see what happens.
What was your situation, choice and what was the outcome?

I had a situation last year that involved such a decision...met a guy online, went out with him a couple times, but he was just coming out of a long marriage, and had also been dating someone on and off during his separation...so he was not interested in getting into a serious LTR. Since that is what I want, I decided to be platonic friends with him and not get involved romantically, even though I really, really liked him.
I'm so glad I made that decision...he has become a great friend, but he did end up going back to his on again, off again GF and they are now living together (I've met her and she's cool with our friendship, which is great). It would have been *really* painful if I'd followed my heart and gone for the brief romance, instead.
Sheri
>give you what you know you deserve and need but your
>little ole heart wants to stick it out and see what happens.
It happened to me with a woman I once dated.
>What was your situation, choice and what was the outcome?
I will never listen to my heart again -- You will only have one abusive relationship in your life and I've had mine.
I have a really, really hard time with this.
I dated a guy right after coming out of a 4+ year relationship. We had amazing chemistry. It became apparent to me very quickly that although we dug each other on a certain level (well, mostly the physical one), we were absolutely not compatable long-term. He continually frustrated me, but I stuck it out. I think I was so screwed up from the last relationship that I was putting all this effort into making the new one work. I never really worked through my grief and I was not thinking straight. My gut was saying, sweetie, this is never going to work. My heart was saying, give him another chance (actually, my heart said this several times). And he was a freaking hottie, which complicated things further. So I ended up in a cycle where I would get annoyed with him and then talk myself into staying.
Then he dumped me. Ouch. And only a couple months after my ex had. So I was feeling pretty bad about myself. I realize I never should have gotten involved in the first place. Stupid heart. Really, nothing good came out of it. I feel like I'd be a lot farther along in the grieving process w/the 4-year ex if I hadn't dated him. The crap I'm going through now I should have been over with months ago.
I will say that the gut decision I'm making now is going well. I've decided not to get in touch with my ex, even though I actually need something from him (OK, and I really, really want to). I even stayed at a friend's house the other night so I wouldn't drunk dial him. It hurts a lot, but I know I'm better off. I think the heart and gut are both going to get a vacation while I take a short dating hiatus. :)
>so the decision is out of my hands.
I don't think so katortott. You've made the decision not to "chase" him so it seems your head is in control!
Thanks. Yes, you're right, I'm pretty okay with letting this one go even though he seemed interesting/fun and was a hottie so there's a little tinge of dissapointment.
Who knows, maybe I'll bump into him in the future. Even though Chicago is a huge city I've actually bumped into quite a few guys I've dated/hung out with at random places.
I've seen the guy I've dubbed "Mr. Flaky" (I posted about him a while back) twice this past week, once in a restaurant and then again on Sunday next to the lake. I didn't say anything to him either time though, he was nice but indeed very flaky.