Weight concern

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Weight concern
8
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 3:48pm

so... I met a guy on Yahoo this week and he is already suggested we meet (that was his solution to me questioning whether I'd hear from him via email this weekend). Problem is... I JUST joined the gym this week and am nowhere close to where I want my body to be for a meet up. The OBVIOUS answer is... meet him - if he doesn't like you and your body for the way it is - he isn't worth keeping. Yeah yeah... okay! But... I don't WANT to look like this - I KNOW I can look better and I don't want to lose a good guy (if that's what he is) because I let myself go this last year! :(

I have a good 20 pounds I want to lose and I know I can't do that in a week or however long I can hold off a meeting but... I don't feel confident in my skin and yet I REALLY want to meet him! :(

thoughts/comments!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 4:48pm
Is the picture that you have in your profile an updated one (how you look now)? If it is an older picture where you can see a big difference than I personally would put off the meeting until I can look somewhat like I did in that picture. The reason why I feel this way is that he can feel misled and that happens a lot with online dating. People upload pictures that are 5 to 10 years old and the person doesn't look the same. It's almost like false advertising. I think you should talk to him a little longer via the computer and form some kind of bond with him so that when he does see you there is more of a chance he will stick around.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 5:12pm
Can you be yourself and not obsess over the weight issue while you are out? I would make the effort and go. You never know, he may have a few pounds that he wants to shave off as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 5:17pm

ummm yeah - he's doing a 10 mile run tomorrow morning - I don't imagine he has too much extra weight to shave off!

Well... one of my pictures is almost a year old but all you can see is my head and I'd say I'm about the same in the face as I was then... I don't think there is a DRASTIC difference from my pictures but... I DO need to tone and shape up!

I think I agree - I should create a bond before meeting him! ;) Good call!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 5:33pm
Is that your new screen name "feelingratherlost"???
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Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 5:39pm
yeah - I guess I'm not feeling as lost today - or right now anyway!! :p
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 6:15pm

I haven't read the other comments yet, but if you're not ready to meet people you should NOT have a profile online -- at the online message boards people are constantly complaining about people who have their profile up but seem to be stuck to email and never actually want to meet in real life. You won't lose 20 pounds overnight, it'll take months, do you really expect to string someone along that long?

Said that, I agree 100% with your first comment, that if he doesn't like you, then he wasn't worth it. Give it a chance. I assume he's seen your picture already? It doesn't mean you still can't lose those 20 pounds, but no reason to stop your life until you do so! Best of luck!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 7:44pm

Well, I completely disagree with the suggestion of "creating a bond" with him before you meet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 3:37am

>Well, I completely disagree with the suggestion of
>"creating a bond" with him before you meet. It's a
>real good way to set yourself up for disappointment

I also agree. Plus, if he/you are anything like me, a "bond" won't compensate for a lack of physical attraction--and I am NOT suggesting that weight is the only (or even a) factor. I think before meeting him you should mention that you are training at the gym because you want to get your body in "better" shape. See how he responds.

Edited to add: DON'T whatever you do mention your weight as if you expect or are concerned about rejection. Say it in a positive way like you said it to us. You are doing it because YOU want to be happy with yourself.




Edited 8/20/2005 3:48 am ET ET by hal_9000