Do women deserve it all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2005
Do women deserve it all?
5
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 3:47pm
I've often heard women say things like "I deserve the best", or "I want it all". I know many will think I'm attempting to start an argument or make women angry, but I am curious as to where this sense of entitlement comes from. To be perfectly honest, do any of us "deserve" it all? Have we accomplished something in our lives that make us worthy of having it all? The reason I ask this is because I have never heard a man utter such a phrase. I'm just trying to understand the female mind and gain some insight. Thank you...
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 3:57pm

Really, you've never heard a guy say that? Interesting. I've heard that from a number of men, mostly in the context of their careers.

Maybe men don't feel comfortable sharing that with other guys? Who knows...

In any event, my impression is that a person of either gender who says this type of thing is that they are on the spoiled, shallow and greedy side. I would note, however, that "I deserve *the best*" (emphasis added) is a VERY different thing from saying, for example, "I deserve better than what I'm getting from this relationship".

Come to think of it, it's really hard to judge this without the context. What are these women talking about...material things, or being treated well by a partner, or what?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 3:57pm
Well, I have heard women on here (and elsewhere) say that they deserve better than what they are getting, but I don't hear a lot of them saying that they deserve the "best." I think that we should each look at what we have to offer and expect something commensurate in return. I am intelligent and well-read and cultured. I deserve to have someone who has the same to offer. By the same token, there are people out there who devote their lives to helping those less fortunate. When meeting me, they might find my values not to be up to their standards and feel like they deserve someone who is as altruistic as they are. And I would not hold it against them because I don't focus my energies like they do. It's all relative, I think.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 4:55pm

Sheri is right . . . about the 'context'.

Could you define 'it all'?

My parameters for 'it all' I truly KNOW that I deserve. I want my equal energy. I want someone spiritual, who believes that humanity is a Family. Someone who shares my political beliefs, reads the same books I do, enjoys everything from Motley Crue to Gershwin . . . who hates chain restaurants . . . who if he wasn't his parents' child - he would still be friends with them.

Yep - I guess I do want it all.

What's wrong with that? (scratching head in confusion) :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 6:30pm

Depends on what you mean by "all". Many men feel they want the best too and honestly why should people settle for anything less than what makes them happy? Life is short.

Right now at my stage in life I don't have it "all" but I'm darn sure making my way there. I wasn't happy where I was living so I moved to another city and have been very happy here. Career-wise I'm definitely not where I want to be but I am making progress to eventually be where I want to be (full-time children's book writer/illustrator) and I'm working very hard at it. As far as relationships, I want someone wonderful for me but nobody will ever be "everything", there is always compromise and you don't know what that compromise will be until you meet that someone. There are some things I wouldn't compromise on but I'm pretty flexible since I definitely have my moments/quirks too.

People that want the best (in my opinion) should feel entitled to have it all provided they treat others with respect etc, and work to get where they are. People that expect life to be handed to them on a silver platter but not really do anything themselves should not expect the best but life can be unfair and many people have many things I don't think they particularly deserve.

I guess I am "selfish" in that regard, I don't worry about if anyone else thinks I should have it all or if someone may be more "deserving". My happiness is my happiness.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 7:51pm

I think that when women say such phrases, we are doing so because for a very long time, women weren't expected to have standards for relationships.