guy needs advice, please

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2005
guy needs advice, please
4
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 5:02pm

I'm a guy who has been married for 7 months. My wife has a guy she has been great friends with since she her first year of college when she was 18. He lives 2500 miles away and the friendship never bothered me. (I recently found out after we were married that they slept together on several occassions when they were in college and once after college but even this was a couple years before we dated)) He often sends my wife cd's,and occassionally calls and semds emails. Well about 10 days before we got married, this guy was in town so we met up with him and a bunch of his friends. My seemed to glow in his presence and to be infatiuated by him, which kind of bothered me but I let it go. Anyway, I am looking through my wife's Yahoo email account for her frequent flier number the other day (now about 7 months after we were married) and I see an email she sent this guy after he was in town approx 7 months ago and only 10 days before we got married, and en exerpt reads: "it was so so so good to see you this weekend. I hope
your flight home was mild. It was so good to see you. you are such a special person to me. I cherish the time we have spent together both clothed and naked. Seeing you brought back some good memories. we have quite a few from 11-plus years."

This really disturbed me. I told my wife I think her relationship with this guy is not appropriate since she blatantly says "I love you" to him when they end phone conevrsations when I am around, etc. She told me she regrets sleeping with him when I confronted her her this weekend............ (contrary to what her email said 7 months ago) I have not told her I saw the email. I think she is still into this guy. I am realy distraught here. Any women with advice would be appreciated. I am hoping it was just the pre-wedding jitters or something........... Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 5:12pm

I am sorry to hear that you are gong through this. iVillage has some boards that deal specifically with affairs and being a betrayed spouse. You might get better advice there than here.

Good luck.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 8:00pm

As I read the first part of your post, a guy I dated in college came to mind.

Avatar for roxanne2020
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 11:54pm
I have a friend like that so I thought I'd reply, he's been my best friend since 7th grade, and I tell him that I love him, we flirt and we play around he lives in Chicago, and I'm in Texas....although we've never done anything we're really close, and we have dated other people that seem to be bothered by our friendship. The thing is that even if we were to sleep together, I know in my heart that we're not meant to be, so whoever I end up wit' might seem threatened by that kind of friendship. I'm trying to say that you can't change the past, but obviously she loves you because you two are married. And if you feel like she's disrespecting you and your marriage in any way, you need to communicate now before it becomes a really big problem in your relationship. Good Luck to you, and I hope you guys get through it, I don't think many people understand my relationship with my friend, but I would hope that two people I deeply cared about would find a way to be ok with eachother. I wouldn't want to have to choose.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2005
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 10:53pm
Get single and be a player and marry when you hit your 40's, your probably a cool guy and she seems like shes just enjoying being married and having something on the side (whether it be simple communication with this guy or something physical). Or, you could just go get your own on the side, it's easy playing while your married, women love guys in relationships. Most girls will come on here and expose there great intellect and disagree, but experience speaks for itself. Good luck man, I know it hurts.