First cut is the deepest

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
First cut is the deepest
1
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 11:30am

K, ladies,
I need some serious female opinion here: HELP!

I still hit myself over the head with this, but I should have gone with my gut.
As a guy, I have trouble deciphering women's messages...but I love women anyways!

I met this girl J at a club...she actually tugged me on the jeans and told me that I was HOT. I don't go clubbing all the time...this was my first time in 3 years. Now, I never have problem getting women. I've always been asked out. I'm not trying to brag :( but I know that I don't lack in the looks department. I have pretty much everything that I want
Little background: I'm half spanish, half chinese. I play all kinds of sports and I run
at least 2x a week, I am a former military and I grew up really close to my 3 sisters and my mother. So, I really treat women with respect. I have a good paying job, taking my MBA full time and work full time, I can dance salsa and I have my own house at the age of 28. I can fully attest that I am halfway there of being successfull. I'm good with kids so on so forth. (if this makes you want to regurgitate...do so now).

Now, J was really into me, because of that I took advantage of her...not good.
She and I were so intensely into each other that I couldn't stop thinking about her after a couple of weeks of dating and seeing each other at least 3 times a week. Man, she was a stunning woman. She is not the most attractive girl that I have dated, but man, she laughed at my stupid jokes and that was good enough for me.
After she left for vacation to FL, she never returned my call and texted me saying:
I'm seeing someone else...take care...K, so blow to my ego right? Well, I gave this all up to God and moved on. several months has passed when last weekend, I saw her walking towards my doorstep, I was stunned but I opened the door anyways. She apologized and wanted to know if I was ok. I said that I forgave her..that these things were out of my control, that I just left it out for God. which gave me peace. Well, she kept calling for several days and I was getting the vibe that she wanted to get me back...not to mention that she was flirting with me while I didn't return the feeling since I was still feeling the hurt.
Last night, she told me that she stopped by while I was away without calling me first.
so, heading back home I thought I'd stop by her place.
BIG MISTAKE! Before I left her place, I told her how I felt.
I said: J...when you did that (text message...which was shallow), that I got confused. If you're seeing someone else right now, you'll have to let me know or else tell me what you want. She said that she wanted to be friends...
Another mistake: I said: that night, after you left me, I died.
I realized that I loved you, I can't explain it why, its not because I wanted you physically...because I'm willing to wait, but I wanted to be with you and I can't explain it why...maybe because I get so lost whenever I'm with you. I love being around you.
I wanted to dance with you that night under the gazeebo and sing to you under the sunset. But you know....I don't mind dying again...just for you, just to let you know that I care. I can't explain why I love you...you just seem to leave me speechless.
but before I go...I just want one more kiss. Before I said goodbye, I told her that she was beautiful...that I wish I can just let go.
so, I got a kiss and she told me that I was good kisser...hmmm.
but she didn't want to hurt me again...I said: its all worth the hurt in the world if you want to be with me again. so on so forth

So, I actually felt at peace about this because if a man loves a woman...he has to tell her or its not worth living. So, what did I do wrong? what should I do?
help me please....I'm such a sap when it comes to women...they're like closed books waiting to be opened and read....

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 10:14pm

I'm sure every one of us