Confused...am i changing or heartbroken?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2005
Confused...am i changing or heartbroken?
6
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 8:09am

I THINK im in the rite place here....anywho.... im 20yrs old and i just got out of a 15month relationship recently that literally tore me inside but i've found ways as much as i could to accept it and realize i cant do anything that i havent done so far. He decided that after 15months together that he's not ready for a serious relationship and that it isnt something that he needs in his life right now. Sooo, here's the thing....i remember earlier this yr when we were together and everything, we used to talk about our plans, and we were even suppose to start looking at the houses next yr, it was both of our ideas, and even kids, two, a girl and a boy. everything was just a picture perfect momentum. As a matter of fact I even had a baby fever earlier this yr.

Now.....after we broke up and everything, I have lost interest in wanting to have a family. In wanting to be married and have kids like i used to want SOOO BAD all this time. And i dont know if the latest break up has something to do with it, or is it that im changing??? Is it b/c im heartbroken and i dont want to be with anyone else or what. Oh by the way....he still loves me and he still says he does.

All i know rite now is that I'm stuck between thing that im confused or if im changing. And when i try to sort everything out, right now i dont want any serious relationship, I dont want to think about having a family (im pretty much losing interest), and at the same time...the thought of dating person after person to me is so dreading and tiring, i feel like i have no energy for it anymore...i just feel like im torturing myself.

Anywho, i hope im at the right spot and someone can help me sort things out.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 11:12am

You're only twenty years old!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2005
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 1:59pm
Thanks....ya im just gonna take time to myself rite now, im thinking of going back to school in spring and just focus on school/work/exercise/and tanning....i just dont wanna think about anything else....men are so confusiing lol....they have more issues then women will ever have!!! hehe
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 2:07pm

I wish I had taken that time out for myself at your age. Now I'm 37 years old, divorced, and working on the direction I should have 17 years ago. I have 3 kids, so I am fortunate in that my bio-clock isn't ticking, but being a single parent is no easy deal. I think you have just realized you need to take time to find out who you are and what you really want. You owe it to yourself to do just that. A guy will come along that will bring all those "baby wants" back and at a better, more settled time in your life.

At least I think those kind of guys still exist. There's a reason guys my age are not married or in a committed relationship, I find, and it's better to just not go there.

Cheri
starthrower68@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2005
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 2:11pm
lol ok.....ya but u know something...to me it's so strange how Austin still loves me yet he doesnt wanna be together...like for example the other nite he whispered in my ear "i dont think i'll ever love anyone like u".....so what i've also realized is that he's got "inside" issues with himself and he's unhappy with himself....b/c i made that man really happy all this time, and i stuck w/him all this time. anywho, he also said "if this is meant to be it's gonna be" and i agree with him....which is why i let him go, he's officially going to leave in september and go back to CT and from then on, the life starts in a different direction officially
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 2:35pm

I know, I know, they say the love us, but their actions say otherwise. Pay attention to what he DOES not what he says. He might be wanting to keep you on the hook in case nothing else works out the way he wants it to. Just a guess, but obviously there's no way I can know for sure. I wanted to believe the fairy tale/soul mates/one love thing too, but you're much better off developing a healthy dose of skepticism.

Remember Proverbs 4:23. It says, "Keep thy heart with all dilligence, for out of it are the issues of life."

Cheri
starthrower68@yahoo.com

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 4:48pm

You are never going to feel better about breaking up if you don't cut off all contact!