Feeling unnoticed

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Feeling unnoticed
7
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 1:55pm

Maybe it's just me...
When I go out in public either to just get some groceries or go to class or to the bars and clubs to go out and actually meet women, I feel unnoticed. I don't know what it is but women just seem to have a reaction to me. They seem to look at me or talk to me for a minute and the thought that probably crosses their mind is "eh,boring". Like when you go to the video store and there's nothing to rent...thats the look I get.
It must be because all these other guys are so much better looking then me. I mean built like vin disel or faces like brad pitt. I can get attention from women but they seem so uninterested like they're looking across the room at mr.hottie while they pretend to be talking to me. I cant count the number of times Ive talked to a woman and she isnt even looking at me, her mind is off in la-la land imagining rubbing down mr body builder with the tight shirt on across the room. I feel like if a girl is nice to me it's because of lack of options. I mean when you're around a group of women anywhere not just in bars and clubs. I hear them talk about how hot certain guys are then I hear them talk about how they wish their boyfriend was more like mr.buff. I dont want to be a last resort and I feel like I am for any woman who gives me a shot.

Maybe it is just me...

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 2:39pm

"I feel like if a girl is nice to me it's because of lack of options." If you think that this is true about yourself, it might show. Insecurity although, sometimes a fact of life, isn't exactly attractive. I am not going to sit here and pretend like there is a quick band aid to remedy how you are feeling, there isn't. Have you asked yourself why you feel this way? Perhapas you could benefit from a counselor to get you back on track towards a healthy self image? Girls can be just as shallow as men at times, perhaps even more but just as not all men are a like, neither are we.

Are you going to places in which to meet a like minded individual? My suggestion to you would be, if you find that you are in an establishment where you are not relating to the majority, I would find another hang-out. You may just be looking in all of the wrong places.

I am not going to lie to you. Good looks don't hurt but not everyone has the same tastes. I don't know if this is a good example but, I have always has a huge crush on David Letterman. When I used to tell girlfriends this they would shriek at the thought. Marilyn Monroe is thought of as being on of the most beautiful bomb shells in US history and look at some of her choices. Do an image search on Google of Arthur Miller. Look at Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett. These marriages may not have lasted but I think you'll understand why I've listed them as examples. We are not all about looks. After all, beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder.

P.S. I never thought Brad Pitt was THAT cute and Vin Diesel, please ; ) Not that my opinion is shared with the masses or anything ...




Edited 9/1/2005 2:49 pm ET ET by bbw_26
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 3:32pm
Brad Pitt just doesn't do it for me, either. But I think Vin Diesel is a hottie! LOL Seriously, though, I'm more concerned with how a guy treats me than how he looks, as long as there's something I find attractive.

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Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 3:39pm
I agree with you and I think a lot of that "I want a hot guy" stuff wears off after high school. I know I'm going to get bashed for this but darn it, it's true (where my experiences are concerned anyway) : have you noticed that you will often find an attractive woman with an unattractive man ( I know the level of attractiveness is relative ) but it's rare to see many attractive men with unattractive women?
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 11:10pm

Honestly, it has to be you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 10:04am

I agree. I do sometimes see hot guys with unattractive women, but not often. I will say, the hot guys are fun to look at, but I'm a girl who carries some extra weight, I don't go to the gym, and I'm not "model pretty." So I know those hot guys are only going to be interested in me if they're really drunk and it's the end of the night and no one else will go home with them. LOL Seriously, though, a lot of those "superhotties" I've met are arrogant and snobby and don't have nearly the personality of the not-as-attractive guys. But there is such a wide range of what I find attractive.

There are things I find just plain unattractive, but most of them are aversions to people who resemble people I've dated. For example, there was this one guy I dated last year who I initially thought was cute, but as I got to know him, the less I liked him, he became unattractive to me, and the more I couldn't stand him. On top of that, his oral and personal hygiene was lacking, so anyone I meet who in any way even remotely reminds me of him or resembles him or sounds like him is going to give me the heebie jeebies. Y'know?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 4:32pm

I dont know how to talk to women I guess...
You say that I need to be more exciting well...what is exciting to women? Im looking for some advice on how to carry on a conversation and how to dress, etc. to get women to take notice...just throw some examples of what you find attractive and exciting to give me something to think about...

I'm extremely inept with the opposite sex...to the point of embarassment almost

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 7:44pm

Having a conversation with a woman is the same as with anyone in the beginning.