Moving on with life
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Moving on with life
| Sun, 09-04-2005 - 6:56pm |
What is everyone's experience of dating again after a long-term relationship?
Me and my ex had been together 3 years and were basically engaged. He had already asked my mom's permission, I just didn't have a ring.
Things ended really badly and even though we were friends for 3 years before we started dating he told me to "leave him alone" after 2 times within 2 weeks of trying to contact him about getting my movie gallery card back from him.
I am ready to move on with my life and date other people but I'm scared of comparing a new guy to him. And I don't mean in a kind of way where I compare the guy to HIM really, but to our relationship.
Like, everyone knows "hindsight is 20/20" and there are so many things that looking back now I shouldn't have taken from him. I should have dumped him long ago and more than once, but because I loved him I stuck with it hoping things would change.
I'm afraid as I move on that the first time some little something happens I'm going to run away.
Anyways, I know it's a rational fear to an extent, I just kinda wanted to know other peoples' experiences with this. Any input would be appreciated!
:)
Me and my ex had been together 3 years and were basically engaged. He had already asked my mom's permission, I just didn't have a ring.
Things ended really badly and even though we were friends for 3 years before we started dating he told me to "leave him alone" after 2 times within 2 weeks of trying to contact him about getting my movie gallery card back from him.
I am ready to move on with my life and date other people but I'm scared of comparing a new guy to him. And I don't mean in a kind of way where I compare the guy to HIM really, but to our relationship.
Like, everyone knows "hindsight is 20/20" and there are so many things that looking back now I shouldn't have taken from him. I should have dumped him long ago and more than once, but because I loved him I stuck with it hoping things would change.
I'm afraid as I move on that the first time some little something happens I'm going to run away.
Anyways, I know it's a rational fear to an extent, I just kinda wanted to know other peoples' experiences with this. Any input would be appreciated!
:)


I'm "moving on with life" too. Just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years and am ponderig the same thing as you!
I'm already comparing guys to him, albeit in a different way- thinking "he's cute, but not nearly as smart." or i find myself comparing my friends' relationships to my old one, thinking "wow, we never fought that much," and "maybe we had our ups and downs, but at least he held my hand in public." And similarly to you, I am afraid that if i do find someone, i'll back out of it if things go in a similar direction or if i feel even an ounce of doubt.
Anyway, I offer no advice, as I'm going through the same thing. I guess i'm going through a grieving process. And perhaps you are too. It takes time to move on and i'm sure that when you (and I, hopefully!) meet someone, things will progress naturally and we just have to take in slowly.
I was in a previous relationship that ended after 2 years- and know what? He never entered my mind while with my most recent boyfriend (the guy i just broke up with). There were no similarities in feelings and such. I guess my point is- you know what you DON'T want in a significant other now. Just make note of that and look for qualities you DO want. Get some closure and take time to heal. When you meet someone new, communicate these fears with him too. It's so important to keep those lines of communication open and well, for now, just take time to yourself and you'll eventually heal :)
We actually broke up 3 1/2 months ago. He wanted a break because he wasn't mature enough or financially ready to handle the kind of commitment we were so close to making (he had already asked my mom's permission to marry me).... of course, this was just his talking but I believed him for 3 months because we continued to talk, do things together, and he always said "when we get back together....."
2 weeks ago this past Saturday we had a fight because he never called be back like he was supposed to the night before and I was worried sick all night long (he totaled a vehicle about a year and a half ago, so I always worried when I knew he'd been out driving and I couldn't get ahold of him late at night like that)
He basically didn't care that I was worried and got mad because of how many times I had called him. It was during this conversation that he told me 1. he still loved me, he just didn't know in what way, 2. he wasn't sure if we were "meant to be" anymore, and 3. he didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore or not. At the end of this conversation, he told me "I've really gotta go do some chores around the house before I leave to go to Kerri's (his sister), but I'll call you back later so we can finish talking about this."
He never called me back.
The following Friday I sent him a text asking for my movie gallery card back. He never replied.
So my mom called him Saturday night. He answered and talked to her for a few minutes. I tried calling him and he wouldn't answer. We texted a few times and he ended with the response, "listen i'll get your card back to you. leave me alone. you're the one that said friends don't work."
So a guy that was in my life for 6 years.... there was no goodbye. No real ending.... he was just so hateful... I don't know... I'm struggling with closure because as much as I want it to be over and forget about him as much as possible, it's hard for me thinking about the fact that we had no goodbye. No hug, no nothing. It's hard. :(
I think that he's being hateful because you've continued to call when he's said not to.
On Saturday, August 20, we talked last. He told me at the end of the conversation, "I've got to go right now but I'll call you back later so we can finish talking about this."
HE NEVER CALLED.
On Friday, August 26, I initiated contact with him by texting him about the card. He didn't respond, so I did not call or text him again.
I did not get my mother involved, I didn't know she was talking to him until after she got off the phone.
The first time I called him was after that. So in 2 weeks, which keep in mind, he was supposed to call me back, I only tried to contact him twice.
I have not continued to call/text/anything since he told me to leave him alone. So that is not an excuse for his being hateful.
We were friends and dated for way too long to cut things off without any kind of a goodbye. But that just shows me what a jerk he's turned into so I guess it's easier to see how much better off I am without him.
But I just wanted to clarify, I was not bugging or hassling him in any way shape or form. In 2 weeks I had only tried to contact him twice.
This is why I said he was getting hateful b/c of the calls-
He basically didn't care that I was worried and got mad because of how many times I had called him.
I took that to mean that he was referring to the three months after you broke up when you were still in contact.
Oh, ok. Well he got mad at how many times I had called him THAT NIGHT that I was worried about his safety since he had never called back like he was supposed to. The 3 months since we broke up we BOTH called each other whenever we wanted to talk and it wasn't a big deal. In fact, the first weekend in August we went to Kentucky to visit friends and slept in the same bed together.