having a hard time dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
having a hard time dating
8
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 6:48pm

I'm terminally single aside from a few sexual flings in the past, and I really really yearn for a relationship. Hell I'm 20, I should have had one by now, as there are 16 year old girls out there who've had longer relationships than I have.

I've tried online dating, and while I've met really nice guys, I wasn't their type. I don't want to settle for men I'm not physically attracted to or men I can't respect but how can I get the ones I want?

As for looking better I'm working on slimming down, eventually I do want to have the proportions of the goodlooking actors, it will take a year to achieve that goal of being that small. I'm starting university this week. Every once in awhile it gets me really depressed, I know my family questions my orientation at times, but I'm straight. Its just they can never know of my sexual adventures last year away from home (I transferred to a university in town).

What are your secrets? How did you meet your boyfriends/fiancees/husbands? How can I emulate those successful women and actually be part of a couple like I should have been in high school and university last year.

My three goals for christmas are: 1. Do well in school and become more socially active, maybe actually making some friends as I lack those at the moment. 2. Lose 5% body fat. 3. Gain myself a boyfriend.

Thanks in advance for whatever you can do for me. This is one of my lower moments, but it should look up since school is starting this week.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 7:07pm

I have a hard time piecing the term "terminally single" and "twenty years old" together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 7:15pm

I put pressure on myself to date because all my older siblings dated a lot in high school from a young age, and even my little brother has a lot of friends, which is something I couldn't achieve. All my older siblings are either married or in a relationship that will lead to marriage.

It gets to me, every birthday they have, their partner lavishes them with gifts and affection and its even worse at christmas, I'd love to have someone to spoil during the holidays and surprise on valentine's day. It'd probably freak guys out if strange girls randomly gave them gifts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 9:15pm

I think dating is very complicated in this day and age. I know how you feel with the family pressure. I as well have heard it all. I think that if you just let your family know that you are not willing to settle for less than you are worth, you can keep them off your back.

I understand why you have set a goal, it is not easy being single. It does make you question yourself and what you are doing wrong. You must convince yourself that you are perfect, you just have not met the guy who is waiting for you.

I hope things work out for you, as I know they will, be yourself, be happy and I am sure you will get a great Christmas gift!

Stacy

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 11:30pm

Just because your siblings did it that does not mean you should be expected to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 3:03am
You are not alone,I have the same problem. I get men interested but nothing goes any further.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 3:43pm

Congratulations on setting goals and being excited about them. That's the kind of attitude that you need to build your confidence. Congratulations, also, on being excited about college. You will be SO glad you didn't let that experience pass you by!

I agree with the other posters that saying you're "terminally single" at 20 might be putting too much pressure on yourself... you are taking the right steps and hopefully you're taking them for you and no one else (or the prospect of that person). Have you seen 'Bridget Jones's Diary'? If there is anything you take from the movie, take this: In the end, he loved her "just as she is." You change because you want to and while you're busy becoming the wonderful woman you're destined to be, he will trip over himself to get to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 12:27am

You know, I've heard many times before that you cannot be truly happy in a relationship until you are happy within yourself. I think you need to work on what makes you a happy person, because once you're happy, it will shine through. Happiness and confidence are important things when it comes to attracting the opposite sex.

I didn't date at all during high school. When I went to university I jumped straight into a four year relationship, which recently broke up. Moving to a new town, a new degree and a new life, which gave me a whole new lease on life, and I finally found what really made me happy. Because I am happy, I look happy, and I've been told I have a beautiful smile.

Don't be in such a rush to settle down. If you go looking for it too hard, you'll never find it.

Seriously, stop worrying about what everyone else is doing in their lives, and concentrate on what makes you happy. Work on the most important things first, and everything will eventually fall into place as it is supposed to.

Good luck

Janet

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2005
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 3:26pm
iwanderer your story sounds very similiar to mine. It seems like every time I find a guy I have something in common with he's taken. I hope that the guy I like now isn't going to turn out the same way. But my question is how did you other ladies get your boyfriends/husbands to ask you out?


Edited 9/30/2005 7:34 pm ET ET by lily_skywalker