STD'S AND DATING?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
STD'S AND DATING?
9
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 4:31pm


I have seen it posted about people with STD's.
I have seen web sights for people looking to date with STD's.
I am the person that will ask the questions no one else will.
I am not trying to offend anyone. I just want to know what you guys think...

What do you guys think about dating a person in that situation?
Would you close the door as soon as you found out the person you were seeing had an STD other then AIDS?

I just want to know what every one thinks about this subject.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 7:15pm

I have actually thought about this question before and it's something I struggle with on an answer.


One one hand, I wouldn't want to be cast out of the dating pool if I were the one with the STD, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to take the chance of contracting one either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 3:32am
From what I read, it seems most (all?) people have contracted a STD from a dishonest partner who either cheated on them and/or kept the ailment a secret. So, if I was dating someone I liked and they told me they had an STD before we had sex I would be much more inclined to trust them and continue dating them. We/I could research the STD and be more informed about prevention and practice safer sex. It would be foolish to think the person you are dating doesn’t have a STD just because they haven’t mentioned it or that there are no visible signs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 4:07am
I'm not sure if I would close the door. It's kinda a tough one. While I don't exactly ever want to hear the words "I have an STD" from anyone I'm dating, it probably speaks volumes for the type of person he is. Honesty is imperative to a successful relationship and if he is forthright, it most likely illustrates the "good person" he is, and also that he cares about you. Then again, something like herpes, that's with you for life, and from what I hear, unfortunately can sometimes be contracted even when practicing safe sex, that's something to really ponder. I think many of us have thought that we'd be with someone forever, but forever ended years ago.... and it would pretty much suck to take an std into a future relationship... or jeapordize a future relationship because you had one. This is a sucky answer I know... but a valid question that many of us should probably consider.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 8:05am

I just wanted to say thank you all for responding.

I myself met a wonderful young lady on this sight.
I went to get tested for any and or all STD's before I allowed anything to happen between us. It was just something I needed to do for myself.
The test came back and showed I was a clean healthy male. (which is what I was expecting)
I flew this young lady in and things went extremely well. So well in fact we slept together. A few weeks later, I am ruff on my *_-* and used some Neosporin on the injury. I had a bad reaction and had blisters raise.
I went to the doc and he said it looked like harpies!!!!!!
I freaked, called her and the lady I was with before. They both were tested and said they did not have the disease?
I talked to my Doc and he said the only accurate test is when you have a break out they have to test the fluid with in two days. Otherwise it would come back that you do not have the disease?
I have not had another break out so according to the Doc there is no way of telling if I do or do not have this hideous STD.
The regular test says I do not.
So I have refrained from dating and getting frustrated...
This just really sucks...
So be careful out there but still have fun...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 8:28am
It depends on the STD. Personally, since I'm clean, I'd prefer not to become involved sexually with someone who had an incurable STD like herpes. If it was a treatable STD like chlamydia, well, that's a different story. (As long as it was gone by the time I came around).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 8:32am
Well, if you used Neosporin and THEN the blisters appeared, it sounds more like you had a reaction to the Neosporin.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 10:00am

Hi Country girl,

I am hoping that is all it is but I would be devistated if I passed it along...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 8:47pm
To All:
Well, I know that i'm giving a lot of info here but no one really knows who I am and I don't have a pic up so I'll give my viewpoint here. I recently broke up with my bf and I contracted Herpes from the boyfriend before him. The man I just broke up with accepted me for what I had with open arms and was very open minded about it so I was lucky. I think that people who don't have herpes or who've never even read about it and are educated about it are so afraid of it. I don't want this std to prevent me from meeting a wonderful man in the future. I have learned to accept this part of me and I only have what they call an "outbreak" maybe 2 or 3 times a year and it is so minor that I would just call it an inconvenience. I think people are WAY more afraid of this STD than they should be because in most cases it's just an inconvenience and it's not a life and death threatning situation. I've used protection all the time with my xbf and he's never contracted it in the almost 2 years that we were together. Of course I will be honest when I get to know a new man before we get sexually intimate but I would hope that he wouldn't run for the hills. What I will do is wait for awhile, allow for the relationship to develop then be honest before we become sexually involved and leave it up to the person to decide if they want to stay. I would hope by then, they would respect me, trust me and care enough about me to still want to be with me. It's really tough because there are times that I think that no one will accept me for this and I've been so good in the past, never had one night stands and only was with a few guys all whom I've loved, so in a sense, ANYONE, no matter how good they are can contract something like that. So don't rule it out because it can happen to the best of us and if it were you, you wouldn't want someone that you care about rule you out because of something like this. There are suppressive treatments for herpes too so you can take that and use condoms and pretty much prevent the other person from contracting it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 11:12am

Hi Bio,

I appreciate you be so open and honest.
That took a TON of courage and I for one thank you.
I try not to cut anyone short no matter the obstacles life throws in our way.
I hope you have a wonderful afternoon.

Gordon