To forget about him or not? Long Post

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
To forget about him or not? Long Post
5
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 2:33pm

I met the guy I am dating/hanging out with last October. When I met him I didn’t think about dating him cause I did not see him again until April. There were a couple of weekends in April were we happened to be at a nightclub and danced all night together. After the second time we danced together, we exchanged numbers and I took him home. Just talked and nothing happened. I didn’t expect to hear from him and didn’t. My one friend who knows him said he had mentioned to her that he had my phone number. She told me this when we were out and I was feeling bold and I sent him a text and like five minutes later he called, but I didn’t answer because I would not have been able to hear him that is why I sent him a text. I later learned he cannot send texts on his phone. He called the next evening and I was so nervous I could not answer my phone. He called me quite a few times that week and finally I called him. We talked and about a week later he called again and that time we were supposed to go out. He called me the night we were gonna meet some of his buddies for a drink and last minute I back out because I got scared. He called back and left a voicemail asking if I was ok. I called the following evening to apologize for being so rude and he laughed at me. He called that Sunday and I turned him down again. Then there was another time I turned him down. Then finally I called and said I really want to meet up with you give me a call and I will meet you. He called and I met up with him and a couple of his buddies.

The night I met up with him we went to a couple of bars and had drinks with a couple of his friends. His friends didn’t hang around long at all. I guess he wanted to make sure everything would be ok. Had a great time just hanging out and talking. We went back to his house and talked for a little bit there. Unfortunetly, I did have sex with him that night. It was my first time and I was the one who probably being a little bit more aggressive. Just a side note: I get so nervous when a guy hits on me. I can barely look a guy in the eye. I am so uncomfortable. I have never felt so comfortable with a guy in my whole life. I was never nervous with him. I was not even planning on kissing him that night. He calls me the following day to see a movie and we had a good time and nothing happened . We just went to the movies. Then a week and a half goes by and I don’t hear from him. I just think that he didn’t like me. Well, my friend who knows him said that he told her boyfriend that he called me on a Sunday and he had not heard from me. So, I call him and he call back. We proceed to see each other for about 3-4 weeks a couple of times a week. We usually would get a quick bit to eat and then go get a couple of drinks. There was one time where we were supposed to do something but he never called me and I found out he ended up hanging out with his friends. I will say that time there was not any definite plans for us to hang out that night. The next time we hung out I asked him if we were friends with benefits. He said it was more than that…??… Then on july3rd he calls to invite me to a friends house for barbecue and to invite whoever I wanted. He was supposed to call me to give me directions and he never called. I sent him a text and he never calls. He had been out all day golfing and drinking with his buddies. I was embarrassed cause I was stood up and my friend thought he was a jerk for not calling. I end up going out on the town with my girlfriend and having a blast that night. He calls me about 3-5 times that night. I talk to him and I tell him I had waited around for him. He apologizes. I guess that he had finally sobered up. We end up renting a movie on july 4th and just chilling. Nothing sexual happened. He calls me on a Friday morning to make plans to go out that evening. He never calls and I send a message saying are we going out. Not a response. I call him on a sat night and leave a message. I told him that I liked him, but it was rude how he never called me. I told him that I wanted to hang out with him and for him to call me if he still wanted to see me. Never heard from him.

About five weeks go by and we end up running into each other at a Jimmy Buffet concert. He was with three of his girlfriends.??. There was one girl who I could just tell liked him by the way she kind of way hanging around him. I got the feeling that they were dating. I am way cuter than that girl, but that does not matter. We talk briefly and I start to walk away so that he can hang out with his friends. He was like your leaving. So, we hang out together at the concert the whole time. Totally ignored his friends. I asked him if he still had my number and he said yes and that he saved the last message I left. I asked him why he never called and he said that the last message I left him freaked him out. I was not rude at all and I told him to his face that it was rude that he never called, cause I could have made other plans. He gives me a hug goodbye and I don’t expect anything form that encounter.

He calls me the next day to see how an interview went and to say how nice it was to see me. We end up going out for a couple of drinks a couple of days later. We did sleep together. The morning after, he called that morning to see how the interview I had went because I wrote down the wrong date for the interview. We go out another time and he takes me for a ride on his motorcycle and we go out. When we get back to the house that girl that I saw him with at the concert was at his house. He lives at a team house. He plays rugby. Totally ignores her, but stares at her for a minute. I just got this feeling. Sometimes he does stare off into space, but it really pissed me off. Last week he called to invite me to the movies and nothing sexual happened and then on Friday we go to the movies again. Oh, a couple of days ago I discovered that he has an active personal ad online. It’s ok cause we are not serious. We have been seeing each other again for about a month.

I really like him and I am afraid I will get hurt.
1. Is he playing me? Should I just forget him?Sometimes I think he is and other times I feel he is not.
2. Is it too soon to say something? I just don’t want to be played and if I stop seeing him right now than it will hurt less in the long run. If I talk to him too soon will it scare him off and ruin whatever chance that was there to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I am no rush to be his exclusive girlfriend, but I don’t really want him dating a different girl every night. I feel we can see whoever we want. He has been in serious relationships.
3. I was told in the beginning that he was a player,but i get the feeling that he likes me? I don't know .
I felt that I had to be very detailed on order for people to understand situation.I know it's not much of a situation, just dont really have any dating experience. Two of his friends said that he liked me. I UNDERSTAND THAT IT HAS ONLY BEEN A MONTH, BUT DON'T WANT TO GET HURT.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 10:53pm

I'd say he's probably got several irons in the fire, and you just happen to be one that he knows will put out so he leads you on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 11:49pm
Thanks for taking time to read and respond to my post. It sad, cause I know what he is doing and I am stupid for allowing him to lead me on. I would never do any man like that. I am so comfortable being with this guy, that it kills me that I know this "thing" that is going on will never develop into a real relationship. I will take it as a learning experience and i will not let it happen again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 10:15am
I agree witht he other post. I think that this is not going anywhere. This guys seems to not be in the right state of mind for a relationship. Since your feeling are involved I would say pull out now before it hurts even worse. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 10:31am

That's the thing with players - they know how to act and what to say to make you feel comfortable around them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 7:10pm
I have to agree with the others - a playa knows how to wind a woman the right way and this guy is just having his cake and eating it! Its time to lose the bum with your heart intact.