The weekend

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
The weekend
16
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 3:47pm

I have slept so much this weekend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 6:19pm

Hey CL:

I checked out a new church, ate some mac & cheese & slept today. Yesterday, I spoke to a mutual friend of the guy I was seeing & discoered he has major issues...like thinking he is damaged goods because of his marriage that was over 16 years ago, inability to work on his issue & communicate. At first I thought I was being sneaky but everytime I asked the guy a question he avoided it. She & I agreed to keep the conversation btwn us. She has known him for 4 years. I am just glad I didn't get closer although my heart aches for the "what might have been" possibility. Last night a neighborhood couple tried to intriduce me to his new neighbor. My gawd...hello...he was so gay and they did not see that????! That just doesn't work for me, but it did give me something to laugh about.

I am just sad. I know it's more about him (the guy I was seeing) than me, but I keep trying to be open & meet people. Now I just want to hole up & die. I spoke to a g/f who said "that's why she stays out of relationships & doesn't date because she sees what I go through".. Nice eh, but that's her choice. She surrounds & maintains her life with freinds & familiy. I know for myself I want to share my life with someone. At almost 40 a lot of my other friends are coupled up. I am going to try and create more interests for myself.

I think I just want to take another big break from all the dating stuff. I just am sad. I am in therapy & CODA. I mean I really am a lot healthier than I was. I have even read the book "The Rules" and "He's just not that into you".

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 9:10pm

My weekend... well let's see... Friday night I met some friends at Argosy and ate at the buffet and then went into the casino for a while. I only lost $5... course that's all I played... didn't feel like wasting too much money! But my friend boy, P won $400 on Roulette. We left there around 10pm and I headed home. Slept in Sat. till 10:30 and it felt good! :) Got up and got ready for the wedding. Went to my mom's to hang out with a family friend before she left to head for the airport (went to the memorial service of a mutual friend's husband Thursday night that she was in town for). Went to the wedding at 2pm - the hard part is it was TRULY an amazing wedding and I have NO doubt in my mind these two will be together forever (very god-centered relationship). I decided I didn't want to go to the reception so I took my mom back to her house to get her car (wasn't getting along with my mom very well anyway). Drove home in a HUGE quandary. P called and so I headed over to his place after changing. We drove out to Shawnee to eat at TGIFridays (yum) I unloaded on him at dinner and then proceeded to feel stupid for doing so. We went by Nebraska Furnituremart but by this time we weren't getting along so well... got some ice cream and headed home. I ended up hanging out at his place - we sat on the patio and enjoyed the cool breeze cause I'm so excited for fall/winter. We watched some of "Maid in Manhattan" on tv and then I left to head home! This morning I got up and tried a new church (first time I've gone to church in a LONG time - maybe 6..8 months!?) Wasn't too impressed with it but felt like everything he said was relating to me... left me again feeling inadequate and in a quandary. Met P at On the boarder for lunch, then we went to Kmart - I came home and read my US mag and napped. Got up and started my laundry, took LD for a walk - came back and gave her a bath - then I took a shower - now I'm here... with you folks and watching the Emmys.

Spent too much time with the guy that I am NOT in a relationship with nor do I think we have a future together but it's so easy to spend time with him and it's so comfortable it's hard to not.

Here's hoping I can get to sleep in a couple hours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 10:02pm
I've just been hanging out at home for a lazy Sunday. It's really good to have these days sometimes. Hang in there jstbu. It is very frustrating. I am also in CODA too working on my "need" to be in relationship after relationship. I just ended a relationship for the 2nd time a week ago and was told by my sponsor that I need to be alone for awhile to work on myself, heal, gain more confidence overall to be in a healthy stable position to date again. It's so tempting to go out and date right now since I'm almost 30 and really want a family and I feel the time thing going against me now. I do know that the best thing for me to do right now is to take a break, work on myself, figure out what I want. This is probably the quickest way to get what I want in the end. I really don't look foward to the dating world because I know how it is and it's kind of a dog eat dog world out there with dating. It's just so difficult to find the one when you are older and more established since you know exactly what you are looking for and it's hard to find. I feel for you on this situation with this guy you have been seeing for 2 months. I have been "lurking" and reading some of your posts and I hear the same frustrations from you that I usually have too. Things will work out in the end. It's probably good that you do cut off contact with this guy because you know what you want and he's incapable of giving that to you right now in his life. Someone is out there that will be more capable.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 10:04pm

I'm sorry you're feeling crappy.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 10:06pm

Just curious (cause I can't remember if you told me or not)-


Has P dated anyone else since you two broke up?


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 10:58pm

Thank you for taking the time to post & relate to my post. I went out to dinner with a make friend ( no, just friends...always will be). It was good I got out. I came home & read some self-help books, hottubbed & now sitting in jammies. I also looked the calendar & noticed my period is coming which doesn't help my mood.

I get a little tired of all this. I do sway between wanting to be in love & needing to be. I have taken breaks. I don't know, but I do appreciate your support & hope. I hate to say it but as therapists say "it's good practice"/ I just wish these "learning experiences weren't so painful". Feel free to email me directly.

Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 11:08pm

Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships.

Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.

Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

http://www.codependents.org/

Codependents Anonymous: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcodep

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 10:49am

I worked Saturday till noon, then went shopping for a few neccessities and also picked up a few "non-neccessities" (i.e., a cute new pink tank top with lacy trim and sparklies

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 11:04am
I went to hear a band on Saturday night which was fun. One of my oldest friends (from H.S.) got married a few weeks ago and her mom threw her a party yesterday since the wedding was in San Franscisco where they live. It was so great to see her and meet her new hubby (he is 51 and she is 31 which made me think of our conversation about older men because he is HOT). I also loved seeing her mom and aunt and her brother because I spent a lot of time at their house and they have always been like a second family to me. Another friend of ours from high school was there and we spent 10 hours going around to different bars and people's homes and caught up with one another. I really liked her friends that I had never met before. It was really just a soul-soothing and gratifying day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 12:02pm
nope - I've told him to and asked him to and offered to set him up - LOL but he doesn't exactly see us not together... meanwhile I HAVE seen other guys - talked to other guys and continue to "look" but because being with him IS comfortable and easy... I find I spend more time with him than I probably should! :(

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