help! Need to win him over!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
help! Need to win him over!!!!
17
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 8:27pm

Ok I've been dating someone for about a month, since I moved here. I like him. Infact, he's really the only thing I like about this place. So he told me last night he wants to date me, but he also wants to date (and do other things with) lots of other people (and I know he's at least been out with one other person).

So here's the thing, I need to make it so he ONLY wants me. I'm not going to be seeing him for over a week anyway, so there is time to put my plan into action. Here are the ideas I have, and I need more. I'm sure some of you have succeeded at this, clue me in. And guys, imput strongly needed!

1. Vamp up my health/fitness and basically lose weight. Many of you know I am big fitness enthusiast, but also on the larger scale, and haven't not looked my absolute best for about a year now. That's all going to change. I'm upping my workout instensity tomorrow (which I was planning on anyway), and the frequency ( from 5 to 7 days per week). And I am cutting my caloric intake to 1500 calories (I already eat the right types of foods). So basically my plan is to just look hot.

2. Make him jealous. I'm on match.com now, basically writing back to everyone who has written since I've been seeing him (and thus didn't respond to). I am going on as many dates as possible and tell him alllll about it!

3. Improve my skills...you know...in bed. I think I've already made some improvements. I know he had a REALLY good time last night.

4. then I have to find just the right balance of ignoring him and doing incredibly sweet things for him (CDs, cookies, etc.). You know, confuse the hell out of him.

Now I just need the rest from you!!!

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 10:00pm

I don't think #1 or #2 are bad ideas, simply because they keep you busy and don't have anything to do with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 10:08pm
I agree with cl-shywon. Do the things that are healthy for YOU, not to win him over but because they make you feel good. Unfortunately if a man has his mind made up there is nothing you can do to change it, and you shouldn't want to because you know that you are worth more than that and need a man who wants to be with you for you. Not wanting to be with a skinnier, prettier, taller (or whatever) version of you. Go find someone who is into you just as you are. If he decides to come around great, but don't put your life on hold or do anything to win him over, do them for yourself because you are most important.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 10:30pm
well obviously that is what one *should* think, but the fact is, I want this guy. And if he didn't like me at all, he would have just broken up with me completely. There is some reason why he is still hanging in there, and I need to get to that and exploit it.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 10:50pm

Okay- do everything you want to do to win him over. Buy him flowers, make him love CDs, whatever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 10:52pm
Maybe he'll decide to be with only you without all that "trying" anyway. Sometimes it takes people a little while to make a commitment to one person, especially if it's only been a month since you've been dating. Give it a little more time and he may just come around and only date you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 10:59pm
from what he said, it seems he doesn't want to ever commit to me. And I don't really know if it has much to do with me.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 11:32pm

If he doesn't want a committed relationship and you do, then why on earth would you beat your head against the wall trying to "win him over"? You're setting yourself up for failure by choosing the wrong partner.

The healthy thing to do here would be to walk away and find someone who IS looking for the same type of relationship you are.

And yes, I realize that *I'm* beating my head against the wall, trying to give you advice, but I keep hoping that SOME day the penny is going to drop for you and you'll "get" what we've all been saying...what can I say, I'm an optimist ;-)!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 9:21am
I don't just want a committed relationship, I don't even know if I do at all, I just like HIM. If I'm going to have a committed relationship, i want it to be with him. I don;t just want one for the sake of wanting one. And i don;t even know if I want to get all serious with him yet, I just don;t want him out dating and having sex with other girls. Is that so much to ask?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 9:54am

In his case, yes it is too much to ask.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 10:35am

You could do all those things and more, but you can't "make" him want only you.

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