Working thru things!? (religious kinda)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Working thru things!? (religious kinda)
6
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 12:27pm

Okay so for whatever reason God picked me as a person who can't just flow through life. I get to be someone who analyzes and really contemplates anything and everything. Therefore, while others are just going on with life and doing what comes next and natural - I have to question whether it's really what I want and is it good enough... SO many things about my life - I'll give a for instance even though there are NUMEROUS different situations like this in my life here is what I'll share:

So... I was raised in a fairly "religious" home (and knowing what I know now there IS a difference between being religious and being spiritual) we went to church Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday nights every week without fail. From the outside my family looked normal and somewhat "perfect" with my father and mother, older brother and myself consisting of the family unit. But I was aware of the internal workings - my parents were NOT abusive to each other but they were married young and were trying to figure out how to grow up... so there was turmoil - arguments that included yelling and dad occasionally leaving for the night - they thought we were in bed and asleep - but I rarely was (sometimes I'd sneak in to lay by my brother while he was SOUND asleep and unaware).

I truly believe my parents did the BEST they knew how but my mom was involved in couple different affairs over the years trying to find the emotional stuff she needed because dad was always so distant. He tried to be there and while my brother and I were young enough to roll around on the floor and wrestle and play dad was able to communicate and be involved with us... but when we became old enough that we needed a communicating father he just didn't know how (still doesn't). So... now I'm in therapy trying to figure out what relationships in my life are so messed up... come to find out it all goes back to what I wasn't getting as a child (or that's what she says). That I've learned to survive on emotional deficits and therefore don't create mutual relationships from the get-go and when I start to see a year into that it's not mutual I feel slighted and confused. So... she's been trying to get me to go recognized what things were and are missing in those first initial relationships between me and my parents so I can identify what needs to be fixed.

It's literally EXHAUSTING! And over the last 10 years (about the time my parents marriage broke up) we as a family moved away from God. Over the last 8 or so years I've been trying to find my way back and have found this new "spirituality" that wasn't exactly presented to us in church back then. I want very badly to have this close, personal relationship with God that I believe is what he desires and will create a much less complicated life for me... that's my hope anyway!

So... having said all this and show just how complex it all is and surely you can only imagine how insane it all makes me and my mind goes 100 miles an hour a day (since there are 5... 6... 7 other issues just like the one I've explained above) I feel as though I need to start trusting more in God and have faith that HE will be the one to led me out of my confusion and all these issues I clutter my mind and heart with. That by relying on him and not my therapist or other means to help me deal with these things he will quiet my mind and bring me some clarity!

I just feel like my analyzing and troubleshooting and trying to figure it all out myself and basically be in control is undermining how just allowing God to take the reigns is the answer! I've tried the therapist route for quite some time (almost 9 years off and on and different therapists) and some other avenues... so now... would just letting go and letting God be the best plan!

What I'm looking for here from you all is NOT to tell me what to do but from your experience what do you feel and while I'm not sure what any of you believe in the way of God or spirituality it's always good to get several viewpoints! :)

Thanks for reading and feel free to ask ANY questions! Hope I wasn't too boring! :p

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 4:51pm
dang it - I knew my post was getting too long... it's too wordy - no one wants to read it! :( Or maybe no one can relate?
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 7:26pm

I can relate to the messed up family stuff, and the always overanalyzing stuff, and sometimes I do wonder why my life goes the way it does (as in does God have a reason to keep me single, or is it something I could change).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 1:37pm

I am not exactly sure what kind of response you are looking for, but I know for myself that when I continually ask for God's help with my ongoing situations, somehow things end up working out in the end, even though while I am going through whatever situation it does not seem like it is working out.

I recently read a book that talked about how difficult situations happen in our lives so that we can become the people that God wants us to be. They are sort of like training lessons. Therapy is probably helpful in understanding yourself, but God probably wants Himself to be included in your healing process as well. He might be able to guide you in the direction that He wants you to go.

Anyways, those are my thoughts. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2005
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 4:12pm

I somewhat know how you feel. I was raised as a Catholic when I was young. When I got married, I turned away from the church because in their eyes I wasn't Catholic. I had been married my a JP. Then my daughter was born and I started going back to church, only to provide her with a religious education based on morals and values to help her grow up in today's society. THEN ALL HELL HIT! I knew I wasn't happy in my marriage and turned to God to help me through it. I put all my faith and trust in God and he did help me. Today I am divorced, have a job, am independent, own my own home and am trying to love life. The problem is I lost my trust in HIM some months ago for reasons.

I always believe there are reasons for everything, and God has this little journey in life and a path for which we take. Once in a while we stray from that path, not by God's choice but by the choices that are laid out in front of us. And we do make the wrong choices. That's where I believe God comes back into play to let us know these are lessons to learn in life to make us much stronger. Months ago I strayed from this path. I shouldn't blame God but everyday I ask "why did you bring this person into my life?" He's all wrong for me, yet I fell for him and he hurts me (not intentionally). It's my own emotional hurt I feel because he's not there for me. Only when he wants to be. If I never met this man, I was high on life. I was strong, happy. Now my heart hurts and I question WHY? There is a reason. A year from now I'll see that reason, just as I saw other reasons for everything that has happened to me in the past years.

I just need to get back to having faith and trust in God. I lost that. I lived and breathed for the Serenity Prayer. That's how I made it on my own. Now I don't have the strength to believe in it.

I'm reading a book "Women Who Love Too Much". It talks about why we do the things we do and as your therapist said, yes, it does have something to do with your childhood. I thought I had a wonderful childhood. I'm questioning that now and I'm wondering if my issues with my mother (the old mother/daughter fights) has anything to do with. My dad loved me completely (as in "daddy's little girl"). Now he's past and I feel alone and desperately seeking some kind of love and caring as he gave me.

God loves us all and we should trust in him. I over analyze stuff way too much. I know I should live for today, the future may not come, and tomorrow is in the past. There's nothing you can do about it. But sometimes living for today just gets my in trouble.

So I know how you feel. I keep trying to put my life in God's hands. It's just so hard sometimes.

Have faith,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 5:26pm

Hi,

I was raised Catholic. I went to 12 years Catholic School. I believe in God, but because of the abuse in the church, B. Control.

I believe in a God though. I do feel there is something bigger than all of us. It gives me hope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 10:07pm
I also feel like my family was very distant. A friend of mine thought it was wierd that my family never hugs each other or tells each other that we love each other. My family never spends time with each other. They all do thier own thing.
We were also a fairly religious family but I found that relying on God to help me never worked for me.
In addition to distant parents I have a verbally abusive brother. However, therapy has never been an option because my family thinks of emotional problems as weakness and getting therapy or medication is even weaker. I tryed to rely on God but it never helped me.
I find that this is my reason for feeling like I have to find a boyfriend. Its trying to fill the void I think.