Dating men with kids
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Dating men with kids
| Mon, 09-19-2005 - 7:59pm |
Will you date a guy who already has kids if you don't?
| Mon, 09-19-2005 - 7:59pm |
Will you date a guy who already has kids if you don't?
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I would give it a shot. I have dated guys with kids & actually like the kids. I make it a rule not to meet the kids until the relationship is serious. I just don't think that is fair to do.
I love the energy of kids & statitically you will meet someone who is dicorced or has kids or both.
Don't let that be a deal-breaker.
I'd never say never, because I might have to then call myself a hypocrite someday, but I would avoid dating someone who already has kids for a number of reasons:
Does his son live with him? I thought that I would never date a man with children but then two of my friends got together and are now married and he has a daughter. I have been able to see up close how the dynamic has worked and it has been wonderful for all of them. But there are a ton of factors beyond your control that would determine how it would work with this man. Does he have a civil relationship with the boy's mother? Has she been bad-mouthing the dad or any potential mates?
If it is a deal-breaker, it might be better not to get involved at all. But if you are not 100% sure, maybe you could at least meet him and just be honest about your trepidation and see how it goes.
"Will you date a guy who already has kids if you don't?"
I have and I wasn't bothered by it. The older you get you will see that it will become harder and harder to find a man who does not have any children so in the future you might not have a choice but to start dating single fathers.
I guess my answer to this is the same as my answer to other posed questions (date someone with an STV? date someone who's been divorced? etc.)
I am 29 years old... there have been a couple guys that have come and go out of my life that I COULD have married... that I COULD have had kids with... that had I not used a sleeve I COULD have contracted an STD but because I was waiting for MORE I've managed to not get myself tangled up in all that (and by God's grace I'm sure) so is it so much to ask that I find someone who hasn't as well? I mean just because Joe Blow made the wrong decision and married the girl he knocked up only to realize that wasn't the best idea and get divorced now having every other weekend custody of his kid - he proclaims NOW he's truly ready to find his love and has experience behind him that shows him how messing up fairs... does that mean I HAVE to give him a second chance with me who hasn't felt the need to cross the hurdle yet... and would like to find a guy who was holding out for more like I am!?
While my example is the EXTREME case and I realize some guys truly do get dealt the bad hand and deserve a chance with a girl who is yet tainted by that kind of baggage... I don't think those of us who have WAITED and not jumped into marriage and/or popped out a binding offspring with someone we weren't 100% sure about (obviously) should be made to feel guilty for wanting to find someone who has proceeded through life in the same manner!
But I NEVER say NEVER! ;)
I completely agree with you, Stacey.
I'm with Stacey,
There was a point in my life where I said "I'll never date a guy who has a child." "Baggage!" Then I happened to meet this fantastic man who was an amazing father and I really couldn't resist.... however speaking from experience, Stacey is right...
be prepared to accept that if he is a good father (which one would hope) you will never be # 1 in his life, nor will your relationship.... also, while most of us have ex's in the past, his will not only be in the present, but will continue into the future... he will not always have time for you, not always be there when you need him... it's truly different than any other relationship.... especially since it is FAR more difficult to hold it against him. And it is something, that each of us need to ask ourselves if we can really handle. Many of us think we can, but when it comes down to the daily reality of what it entails, most of us can't... and that's ok.... we have every right to want our relationship to be # 1 in our man's life, every right to not want his past to become our future... but if you choose to be in his life, to be a part of his childs life, try to think about the child and only go forward if you think you'll be able to stick around. Must never try to confuse children... it is always out of their control.
FRL, you put into words what I couldn't.
Stacey
In GENERAL, I can validate those points. Of course, there are exceptions... and we are all exceptions right LOL or at least all unique.
I am a single, non-custodial dad. My children ARE my #1 priority. The woman I am dating appreciates that about me AND it does take time away from our "alone time." I like women who are (good) mothers for MY generalization is that they are more caring and nurturing and not so ego centric about their lives.
Yes I do NOT want any more children and with my resources (with or without kids) I'd rather not spend money and go off to Hawaii at a drop-of-a-hat.
And I am a different stage of my life I look for different thing. Under your circumstances and age what you are looking for is appropriate for you.
Mark
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