Need advice - stop dating others?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Need advice - stop dating others?
6
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 11:57am

I'm looking for some other opinions on what to do here. This might be a long explanation - so hang in there!

I've had a profile on an internet dating site for about a month. In that time, I've met 5 guys in person and I have another one who I'm still just corresponding with via email. I've already "ruled out" 3 guys and I've told them that I'm not romantically interested in them.
When it comes to the other 3 -
Bachelor # 1 - I really, really like this guy. We've been on a couple of dates, he's brought me flowers, I made him dinner - he even spent the night. Now he's off on vacation...and it truly feels like absence makes the heart grow even fonder in this case.

Bachelor #2 - Only been on 1 date - he's a nice guy, but I didn't really get to know him very well. I definitely think we could be friends - we'd have to go out more for me to see if there's more there.

Bachelor #3 (email only) - He seems very nice in emails, but I never get a true reading on a person and my feelings for them until we meet in person.

So - the crux of the issue is, I really like Bachelor #1 - but it's only been a few weeks. I feel like if I tell #2 & #3 that I'm going to stop dating other people, I might be putting all my eggs in one basket, so to speak.

I'm not sure if I should discuss this with Bach#1, because I'm afraid it might scare him away. I just wonder if it's really fair to the other guys that I'm going out with them, but comparing them to Bach#1 the whole time.

Thoughts? Advice? What would you do?

Thanks!!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 2:49pm

Well, what *I* would do is not spend the night with anyone I was dating until we'd been dating long enough to know each other pretty well (at least a month, preferably two), and we'd had a discussion about exclusivity and monogamy. And I would continue to date other people in the meantime.

I don't know how to date more than one person if you're sleeping with one of them so I'm not going to be much help, sorry. But I do know that you can't "scare away" someone who is right for you, so if you do bring this up with Bach #1, and he is scared off, then he wasn't right for you in the first place.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 3:43pm
I think you should date all 3 of them until the conversation comes up with one about where the relationship is going. If you ask him, you might scare him off. Keep dating all of them till it gets serious with one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 3:48pm
Thank-you for giving your advice without feeling the need to interject any disparaging remarks. If only other posters, like the previous one, on this site could do the same, it would actually be a place I might come back to.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 7:34pm

Wait a sec...did you think *I* was being disparaging? I'm sorry, that was not my intention AT ALL...you asked in your OP what "you" would do, and I answered...I gave the background of what I would do so you would know where I was coming from, NOT to "disparage" you!

I'm honestly not sure how you got that from my post. I just re-read it again and don't see it. I honestly DON'T know how to date under your circumstances but I was trying to give you the positive perspective that you won't scare him off if you say something, IF he is right for you! How is that "disparaging"???

Sheri




Edited 9/21/2005 7:38 pm ET by northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 9:48pm
What I would do is check his profile online and see if he is actively logging on to the dating site. If he is, it means that he is still trying to find someone else and therefore I would continue dating other people.
BABY #3!!
 
Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 9:51pm

<>

I totally agree with you on this one. If someone is truly into you, this type of question will not scare you away in fact it will bring you closer. Only if he is on the dating site to score a lot of dates and is into casual sex will it scare him away.

BABY #3!!
 
Pregnancy ticker