I really need some advice!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
I really need some advice!!!
3
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 11:30am
So there is this guy we'll call him J, i have liked him for god knows how long and he has hinted that he liked me too but 1 of us was always in a relationship. He recently returned from a 5 mo deal w/ the army & while he was gone we became so much closer through letters & emails. After he returned we went out & ended up back at my place. Later that week i told him how i felt, & he said that "things would be a lot different, but he knows he may get deployed soon and dosent want to leave anyone behind. We still go out almost every weekend & he acts like were together when we're out, but not so much through the week. I'm trying to make some kind of sense of this, but i think i'm really falling for him. I really want to bring up the subject to him again but i dont want to mess up any chance i have in the future or look psych/ pushy. All i keep thinking about is that 'he's not that into you book' WHAT DO I DO??
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 11:44am

awww doll - I know how hard it is to see clearly when our hearts get involved! :( Hang in there.

I think he's being honest with you though and by his actions that's the way it appears. While it does sound like he likes you and enjoys being around you and maybe deep inside would like things to be different - he can see his reality is going away again and doesn't want to get TOO attached and has tried to warn you so you can keep from getting too attached too. Don't take that to mean he isn't interested or doesn't enjoy being with you - he just can apparently control his heart better than some of us. Which isn't a bad quality!

Don't rush things... don't have another "serious" talk with him... ENJOY the time you get with him and stop trying to fit it into what you want and think it should/can be and just let things... happen. If nothing moves by the time he leaves... okay... write and enjoy communicating while he's gone again... and when he comes back... WHO KNOWS!?!?!

Just don't try to pigeon hole him into being with you because YOU are feeling it needs to be clearly defined and set in stone. Enjoy what you have and if it's meant to be... well you know what they say. In the meantime, I know how the heart can ache... but just let the times you spend with him and "hope" of what the future "might" hold comfort you for now! :)

XO
K

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 4:01pm
What I have found through my experience is that when a guy makes an excuse on why you cant be together, thats exactly what it is: an excuse because he doesnt want to be exclusive. I actually went through a situation like that except the excuse wasnt the military it was that our friends would be too mad at us. I realized though that he just didnt want to be anything more and it was just a way to use me.
I suggest you ask him that if he wasnt in the military how would things be, and pay careful attention to things he says and how he acts. Try not "sleeping" with him and see if he still calls you, etc. If he still does than you know hes for real.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 7:24pm

If you dug about three years back in the archives (right before the war in Iraq started), you'd read all about me being heartbroken over my guy (also a J) telling me the same thing, but I wanted to believe he really did care about me.