Games and unhealthy behavior?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Games and unhealthy behavior?
2
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 11:17am

Okay first off... I KNOW I have some unhealthy habits and behaviors when it comes to dating and being in a relationship, but I justify my ignorance and immaturity with the fact that I AM trying to work through it and learn mutual and healthy ways of doing things - but my question to you all is...

do you feel (and KNOW) you have unhealthy relationship habits and some times operate in a way that could be titled "game playing"?

Be honest with yourself - even if you can't be honest in your post.

If you feel up to it - post the behaviors you KNOW you exhibit and how you TRY to keep a handle on them (i.e., dependency - try to focus on keeping my own interests so when he takes time for his interests it doesn't feel like he's abandoning me).

Okay here is one of mine to kinda get us started...

here's an issue I had with my ex:

I sit here at my computer all day and my phone is an arm's length away - so when he calls me and/or needs me... he knows 9 times out of 10 I'll be here. He is a district manager for a company and so they supply him with a cell phone that he keeps attached to his hip 24/7 and honestly could be considered "on-the-clock" 24/7 because he will answer it knowing it's a work-related call even when he's not "working" per se. When we are out on a Saturday night and one of his store managers calls with an issue he will take the call.

BUT if something happens to me during the day (at work or personally) and I pick up my phone to call him... 5 times out of 10 he'll answer and 3 times out of 10 he'll be able to talk. It never seemed to fly with me! Ways I'm moving forward - although I'd like to just find a guy who is at my beckon call, I realize there are times he won't be available so... I'll just look for a guy who 8 times out of 10 will answer and 6 times out of 10 will be able to talk. That's my goal! ROTFL and now I need to search the Yellow Pages for a new therapist because I apparently didn't figure this one out correctly! :p

Mutual - Healthy relationships probably wouldn't even consider this an issue but if it did arise would probably just leave the person a message and sit calmly and rest assured their loved one would call back at the next possible opportunity - but I didn't even feel that was going to happen so... what's my point - who knows! I'll open this post up to the forum now! :p




Edited 9/27/2005 1:49 pm ET ET by feelingratherlost
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 11:53am
I'm similar as you in that if I call my boyfriend I expect him to answer the call even if he isn't able to talk long. If he doesn't answer, than I expect him to return my call within 5 minutes unless he has a very good excuse. I also need to know his whereabouts throughout the day. I know I'm this way because I've had boyfriends in the past who have cheated on me so if my boyfriend doesn't pick up the phone especially when I know he is not at work I start to get suspicious. I can't help myself.
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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 11:12pm

This is going to sound odd, but I've never actually