Single, again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
Single, again...
2
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 1:09pm

ok so i chose the happy emoticon. well, I am happy. I am happy because i am no longer living with a jerk. a "$*^#&@*?#';, and a %&#*#&%^ %&$#^#*" fill in your own ideas... im sure you all know what i mean.

I got divorced in 97 and was single till 2000 when i met a guy who intrigued me. We started Dating and for the first year it was ok. the second year was fine too. I know now that was only because we were not living together. Then we decided to Co habitate.

Thats when i slowly discovered his secrets that by then i became a saving power of trying to change him and in the end i ended up being emotionally, mentally, and verbally abused by him. HE is an addict...weed. I was not. i have and always will be a drugfree person.

i left him 2 other times in the past 3 years but as a victim of patterned abuse..i returned to him. Not this time. I even left some things behind that i knew i could easily replace. He had the nerve to call me and sexually blackmail me to get them back.
IT's Not worth it. The gull of men.

Oh but there is more. I was kidnapped, beat up and raped about a year ago and his control and possessiveness even got tighter over me. I have emotional problems because of that event and YES it has affected my sexual desire severely. I hate men. I no longer trust men, Nor do i want to date and be in a relationship with men( and i shall add relationships with women to clarify that i have no desire to go that direction at all).

I refuse to talk to him and explain to him why i left. Cant he figure it out for himself?
I havent heard from him since that one phone call, he hasnt shown up at my work place(YET). I am still watching my back and my new cars back.

yes i have sadness and grief but i have my families support and i have faith in god.

I just needed to say hi, vent a bit, and hope i meet some peeps out there who will pray for me as i begin to heal and begin a new road of my life.

Thanks

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 11:02pm

I'm glad that you have gotten out of a bad relationship and are not considering going back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 2:04pm

shywon, i agree...but this time i am taking the next 5 years of my life for myself and my children( maybe even longer than 5 years). i was married for 5 years to an abusive man who happens to be a wonderful father to the children but he still wont admit to alot of the stuff he did to me. He keeps saying he wasnt all that bad. grant it he is right. he never burned me or put me in the hospital bleeding to death or stabbed me . physical scars always heal faster than the emotional mental abuse. he did say he was sorry for putting me through the hell i endured while with him and he wants us to be "friends for the kids' sake" . That i can and will do.

I admit i have some ghosts in my closet from that marriage that i do not wish to get into here. I have buried them, I have forgiven my Ex-hubby, and we are moving on.
My goals are to be more independant instead of co-dependant/dependant. My second goal is to mend a shattered relationship with my kids...thanks to my beau i just dumped. My kids have embraced me with forgiveness already...they have asked me to take them shopping and other places. That was a blessing. I was worried that they would not want me to spend time with them anymore because of my former choice to stay with a bad guy. I guess kids are resiliant in so many ways.

My mother had even hinted to me last week that maybe me getting my own place too soon isnt the best thing to do at this time and she said i could stay with her longer. She is goin to help me set up a budget based on my income so i can get some major medical and utility past due/collection agency bills paid.

As for my medical bills i incurred due to my rape/assault...thanks to the states Crime Victims compensation fund program and counseling center i received a grant that paid off those incurred bills directly to the medical facilities and if there is a balance left from that grant...I am not liable by law to pay it...the balances will be expunged.
Now that is justice. I am grateful that the state has such a helping hand and program like this for rape victims. It helps us financially as well as emotionally/mentally.
I hope that i never have to endure such a crime again...on me and on my children as they grow up.

I have God, myself, my family, my children, a few friends(never had many to begin with), my church family(evangelical). I am blessed.

and i am no longer having suicial thoughts or desires. Healing will come.