kind of messed up...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
kind of messed up...
3
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 10:26am

well it's the roomate situation again. I think i mentioned last week that everytime our oil bill is due, my roomate never has the money and i end up paying for it all, until she has the money again. I do this without getting a thank you and she just seems to expect this is how things will be done. Last week she was really annoying because she seemed mad at me when we ran out of oil. I scurried around calling the oil company, putting the payment on my card (because she didnt have the money). She called me 3 times at work to ask about the oil, and was being pretty demanding for someone who didnt have their share of the payment. SHe was makingn other remarks abotu the oil that she wanted me to ask the company about-i did, told her and she disagreed with what i said. this is where i got annoyed. I didnt say anythign, but my my tone to her on the phone i think she could sense that i was annoyed. I really didnt speak to her again after that, but asked her when she'd have my money (left her a vm). then i went away for the weekend. I cooled off, didnt see her until mon. evening and she gave me an attitude. I didnt quite know what to make of the situation. Do people normally get mad at someone who always pays their share of the bill?

But then i messed up in sending an e-mail about her to her...i meant to send it to my mom. It wasnt bad, but i was like, oh crap! Here's what it said:

(name) still seems to be mad at me for whatever reason. I went to ann’s friends bridge’s house last night because ann said she is moving and has a bunch of stuff. So I got some stuff and she even said I could have a couch and a bigger tv. So (name) came home last night and it was obvious she was annoyed or something. I told her about the stuff, she didn’t say much and just seemed weird. Then she went in her room and shut the door. I heard her on the phone telling someone that she thought hutch was cheating on her. I didn’t catch everything, but I did hear that. I don’t really even know what to say to her or if I should even say anything. I don’t see what she’s mad about.

That was all it said. SHe wrote back, did you meant to send this to me, then i wrote this:

just sent you an e-mail by accident, I didn’t mean to send it out, but I have been feeling bothered. You really seem like you are mad at me and I don’t quite get why. I don’t know if other things have been bothering you, but I don’t see what I’ve done for you to be this upset with me that you basically can’t speak to me. I’m guessing you are mad about the oil bill and at this point I don’t know what I can say about it. Last week I felt a little tired of every time something happens with the oil it ends up being my responsibility/fault to deal with everything. Normally, I don’t mind when it runs out, it’s not a huge deal, I don’t mind being the one to call about it to get more, I don’t mind being the one to pay for it on my card until I get the money from you or asking them questions. But I just felt like I was doing all these things last week and nothing was good enough. You inquired about the monthly plan, I asked them about it, was on the phone with them about it for like 15 minutes, then called you to tell you about it and you basically disagreed with what I said they had said. At that point, I got kind of annoyed. Like I said, I don’t mind dealing with it, but I felt like you really wanted to have all this stuff done about it and quickly when at the same time you didn’t even have the money for it. I don’t know if you’ve just gotten used to me paying for it all upfront, but I guess I felt a little annoyed that you didn’t even say thank you about it, it just seems to be expected of me. I wasn’t even going to say anything about this, but it’s pretty obvious that you’re mad. I might have sounded annoyed on the phone last week, but it was only 8th day into my new job, I’m learning stuff here and then to have you keep asking all this stuff about the oil kind of pushed me over the edge a bit. We had all summer to talk about an oil plan, the bill was on the table all summer and you said nothing about it then. I personally am not a huge fan of the idea of the monthly plan from what was explained to me on the phone-if you want to talk more about it like adults, fine let’s do that. But right now the idea of getting some bill every month that we have no idea what the amount will be doesn’t sound very appealing. I know my name is on the bill which again I don’t mind, but there just seems to be quite a bit of maintenance that goes into this.

Like I said this wasn’t something that I was even going to address or be angry about, but now I just feel mad about how you have seemed mad about it. I mean I could have waited to get the oil until I had your money or even worse, maybe I just simply wouldn’t have the money on my own. I really don’t want to be having these kinds of issues, and I’m sure you don’t either, but I just don’t get why if something was bothering you, you couldn’t have just said something

what can i do??

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 11:16am

I just re-read what I posted to you last time, and my advice still stands.

Get back to basic facts--keep it business-like, not personal. Your email to her (the one you meant to send) was way too focused on irrelevant things. She owes you X amount; when will she pay it? If she can't pay it now, then she needs to sign an IOU and pay you interest, because you are paying interest on your credit card.

If she continues to give you attitude, I'd reconsider your living arrangements.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 11:31am
I went through the whole thing a few years back w/ my room mmates i had a bill in my name and i was the one who ended up paying over $500 for them. We mixed business w/ friendship and we didnt talk for almost 3 years. Just now are we starting to speak to oneanother again. If you value your friendship then i'd speak to her about it on neutral grounds and yes i'd have her sign an IOU so that your not out the money like i was. Explain your situation and let her explain hers, dont get all judgemental and short w/ her
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 10:27pm

If you're paying for it and dealing with it, you get to make the decision about it- period.


I'd assign her the responsibility of a comparable bill and let her deal with all the things associated with it- including the payment of it.