Men's Secret Dating Rules

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Men's Secret Dating Rules
4
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 9:30pm

Ok, I knew it! I left a message about rules the other day, asking people what kind of rules men have when it comes to dating/meeting women.

I was just reading some random articles online and came across this.

http://love.ivillage.com/lnsunderstandmen/whathedoes/0,,askmen_8gdl4n2s-1,00.html

Check it out and share your thoughts. Oddly enough, the guy i'm kind of sort of starting to see right now is doing ALL of these things! I didn't realize that he was that, sly. I also find it really frusterating and really wish men wouldn't abide by stupid stuff like this.
Maybe i speak purely for myself, but when men wait for 3 days before calling or other things like that, it just makes me confused. I want a guy that is excited to get to know me and can't wait for a day before hearing my voice again. I want a guy that is so excited to have met me that he can't wait to get to know more about me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 8:21am
That seems a little strange. And contradictory to what a lot of articles tell women to look for in men they date.
Oh well though, we all have a choice and if a "rule follower" doesn't appeal to you, I guess you don't have to date them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 10:58am
Games like that are for high schoolers, not adults, IMO.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 11:30am

Honestly, I think I follow most of those "rules," but have never really considered them hard and fast rules.

I do those things not to play games, but to maintain boundaries and to really allow myself the time to get to know a guy before falling head over heels. A little caution is all right - and a little mystery never hurts. Falling head over heels feels great at first, but then you're left with your feet off the ground. That's how you get hurt.

I received some great relationship advice once from a very wise older lady...
She said that revealing everything about yourself right away just makes you vulnerable (see head over heels above). Instead, she said, you should treat dating like the "dance of the seven veils." (referring to the women in ancient times who wore veils over their faces and dropped one at a time until their faces were finally revealed).

First date = first veil: favorite color, what activities you like to do... simple, basic things about yourself.
As time goes on, reveal things about your past, introduce your friends to your new man, share your deepest dreams and desires...

Real love develops over time. I think the men who are looking for real love as well know this -- and that's why the "rules" might not be such a bad thing. It means he's letting himself get to know you rather than rushing headlong into something (or "thinking" only with other body parts).

I don't think most people follow that three-day no call rule to a tee -- but I do think slowing down, not seeming over-eager, not falling into the stereotypical romantic trap of roses and gifts all the time, is a better formula for developing something lasting and real.

With the right man, there will be plenty of time for fancy dinners, great gifts, three phone calls a day and all those "I love yous." And those are all so much better when you know they are based on something real than the fantasy and excitement of something new.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 11-24-2005 - 11:59pm

This guy I m seeing is 33 y/o. He mentioned few articles from Askmen earlier when I met him mostly about travel...
when I read the 10 rules I just realized he did follow all these rules with me!!
from calling on the third day to avoid meeting me when I m with friends. He would actually call me to meet but if I m with friends he would say ok will call you later.
He tried to only kiss me passionate kisses that stop at that but he failed in this sense kuz ended up having sex although at first he would be v. relunctant and seemed like he was breakin some belief when he did it.
and many other silly things!
I m not sure what to do. I would like him to stop and act naturally!
Next time I will see him I will make fun of the Askmen site :P