my kids like him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
my kids like him...
4
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 4:13pm

ok. i know i said i wasnt going to date anyone for some time. Well, I have this friend/aquaintance i met a few years ago(circa 2002) that i talk to freguently. We are not telephone chatters. We talk mostly when i am in town. He helps a local biz lady run her penny candy, music center store in exchange for (of all things) "free rent". She is a landlord to the apartments above her store in town.

I am extremely cautious of this fella. He is really nice and great to get along with. He is funny too. BUT...he seems to be fitting into the Loser catagory. He is a photographer by trade, no car, no family, divorced with kids his x wife refuses to let him see legally.
He can't afford to fight her on it and he won't even try legal aid. He is hoping to get his own photography biz going. He really takes great photo's.

He walks anywhere he needs to go or gets rides from people he knows. He doesn't push a romantic relationship on women. In fact he has told me he hasn't had that type of relationship with women in years. Do i believe him? Nope.

He is a smoker and he owns a cat. For me that gives him two strikes on my boundary list and i have told him this and he seems fine with it and still talks to me and shows interest in me as a person. I had my girls with me the other day for holiday break while i was running some store errands for my mom and he was outside the store at the time we were in town so i introduced him to my kids. When we got home they both told me that "he was funny and we like him". I left it at that and told them i wasn't interested in dating him and i told them the two reasons why. They understood and said to me that when God wants the right man in my life I will know.

I have had several convo's with him about his situation and even gave him friendly suggestions as to how he could get himself out of this rut he has himself in. He just doesnt seem motivated, let alone even happy. I feel he is dependent on others alot lately.
Moreso since his heart attack(he is in early 40's). Course, he has never asked me to taxi him or borrow money from me so maybe he isn't a total loser after all.

I suppose by laying back on any pursuit of him is best. For the first time in my life i can savor a friendship with a man and we aren't investing in a sexual relationship at all. I do get compliments from him and i give him compliments as well. That is where we let it stand.

What are your thoughts on this? i've been out of the single life and dating pool for so long i just need some guidance from ya'll.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 4:34pm

My thoughts are that you'd be out of your mind to even *think* about being romantically involved with this man.

Platonic friends? Sure, he sounds entertaining. But no more than that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 9:12am
You said it yourself - he already has strikes against him. It doesn't seem to me like you are infatuated with him and, frankly, he sounds like he needs to get his life together. Do you really want to get involved with someone who would be such a project? You already have kids - you don't need one more that you have to give money to and drive around town.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 9:37am
I think you'd be suffering from a serious case of a lapse in judgement if you let this one instance of his meeting your kids decide anything for you. You sound 99% certain that this is NOT the guy for you... don't let that 1% impact your entire life. Trust your instincts and follow your rules. They're realistic and you have them for a reason.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 3:28pm

I have to say thanks to everyone who all seem to be on the right track as my instincts.
He is ok to be pals with. I have no desire to pursue anything romantic with him.
I am sticking to my boundary list. Thanks again e-friends.

HE goes on my trash list. I officially declare him not for me.