WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME??
3
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 9:12am

I'm a 27 year old girl who has been lucky to have had three serious, loving relationships with wonderful men in my recent life. However I have managed to end each relationship b/c essentially I felt something was missing with each. The problem is that I constantly look back at those relationships and miss elements of each and wonder whether I made a mistake (I'm the queen of regret). And an even bigger problem is that recently, I got back together with one ex for a brief period, only to find myself missing another ex...and now I'm talking to that other ex and I find myself missing the first ex. There is obviously something very wrong with my thinking - I always want and miss what I don't have. I believe with all my heart that I want someone and then when I get him, I pine for someone else. It's almost like I enjoy being upset and feeling that sense of want!!! I don't want to be this way. It's driving me nuts and it's incredibly hurtful to these guys. I feel like I'm constantly fighting with myself.

I am such a moody person and now I'm seeing how greatly this is affecting my dating life. Each of my three exes has uniquely wonderful traits so depending on my mood, a certain ex's traits are more appealing for that moment. But I don't want to be this way. I'm scared that I will never be content. I want to find one man and love him and only him forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 1:18pm
I would suggest talking to a professional about this issue. I am not saying you have emotional problems, but sometimes talking with somebody who has experience, can help you find out why you're doing what you're doing and how to move past it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 2:38pm
If you really think that your moodiness is what's controlling your feelings and relationships, I'd see someone about it and talk it out. Also likely though, it's that none of these guys is the right one. Of course there's things (or at least potential) in each of them you found attractive at one time but they weren't the whole package for you. What might better serve you is to focus on what you really want in a new relationship rather than, as Grandma would say, hem-hawing about guys from the past. Let them all go, learn and move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 11:22am

I think you have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else. There might be something missing in your life that you think might be filled by another person, that only you can fulfill for yourself. When that other person fails to meet the need, you might become dissatisfied and think you'll find it in someone else. (Of course, I don't know you, so this is only one theory).

Talking to a great counselor can help you pinpoint what's going on.

I also agree that none of these guys are probably the one. When you find the right one, he'll likely have elements of what you liked in all three of your exes.

AJ, enjoying life with C.