Too many options?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Too many options?
7
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 3:49pm

I'm curious: is there such a thing as having too many options when you're dating?

I have tried many new ways of meeting people - online, speed dating, set ups by friends, and just meeting guys the old-fashioned way (still my favorite). The problem is, if I am dating - or even just communicating - with three or four guys at a time, it's just draining. I get to the point that I don't want to go out with people anymore or even answer the phone because I am overwhelmed.

So, while you are looking for someone worth becoming exclusive with, how many people do you date at a time? How many is too many?

Also, anyone else get tired of going on lots of first dates - or even second and third dates - that don't seem all that special?

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 5:44pm
Dating is very draining. Especially when you have more than one guy at a time. I think how you are going about meeting men is not only healthy, but you're more likely to meet that special one for you. I would suggest to date only a couple guys at a time. This will give you time to really get to know these guys, in order to see if you would like to proceed with one of them. I remember when I was dating a lot and it does get so tiring that I went in waves.....wanting to date tons of guys to not wanting to date at all. Your mind and body can only take so much when you're constantly on the go.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 6:57pm

I've never dated more than one person at a time for two reasons.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 7:50pm

I have a friend who dates a bunch of guys at once and I have no clue how she has the energy or even the patience to juggle. In my experience, not only is it draining to date around, but usually things don't last long enough with a guy to have that much overlap between guys. Usually after a date or two, if things are merely so-so between me and a guy, either he or I will probably stop calling the other. If on the other hand, after a few dates, things are great between me and a guy, I would lose interest in any others that were potentially in the picture and focus on that guy.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 5:56pm

I think 3 is the optimal number...any more than that, and it gets exhausting and confusing. Generally, what I find is, after a few weeks to a month, there is some natural attrition (either I lose interest in a particular guy or he loses interest in me), so the person I'm most interested in and who is most interested in me is left. If I'm not yet sure about whether I want to date that person exclusively, I may go on a few first meets with other guys to see if I meet anyone else I'm interested in, but usually by a month to six weeks into it, I'm getting to the point where I'm pretty sure I'd like to date that person exclusively.

And yes, I do get tired of seemingly endless early stage dates...but it's a necessary part of the process, so I keep doing it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 8:28pm
like men focus on one girl?there is nothing wrong with dating around...gives you options,makes sex more fun,and when one doesn`t work out,here is no reason to sweat it,because there are others to see!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 12:44pm
You pretty much said what I wanted to almost word for word - thanks for saving me the trouble. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 2:11pm

Thanks for your input everyone.

After coming out of a long-term relationship a year ago, I guess this dating thing is just confusing! It's nice to get feedback from others in the same boat. :-)

AJ, enjoying life with C.