Why did he just disappear?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Why did he just disappear?????
5
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 2:11am

Hi, and thanks for listening...

At my friends' urging, I joined an online dating site. After a week or so, I got an email from a nice guy. We had alot in common. The short of it, is we went on 3 dates and it was great. Each time, he asked to see me again. Then I had to go on a business trip for a week. He called the day I left, and wished me a good trip. I haven't heard from him since, despite several calls and emails on my part. We did not sleep together.

Before I left on my business trip, we both had our online profiles hidden. During my trip, I went to cancel my online membership and when I did, it put my profile back online. That night, his was back online! What gives? Is he playing games with me? By the way, he is 40 and never been married.....

THANKS AGAIN,
BELLADONNA

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 10:16am
he is not looking for any kind of committment..he is 40 and not married so that is proof there...look guys will go out on dates,and that can be it...they arenot looking to settle...and not that this is your fault or anything,but after several dates if a man still isn`t getting sex he will lose interestl...they pretty much expect it on dates,but that is his problem if he is not interested in dating you anymore..just look more online hit the bars and don`t sweat it...women get so worked up if a guy goes out with them couple times and that is it...it is not worth it!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 11:39am

That seems to be the nature of online dating.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 2:07pm

The "why" doesn't matter...for whatever reason, he decided that the two of you weren't right for each other, and didn't have the courtesy to let you know that.

This is what dating is all about...spending time with different people to see if you're a fit. You can't take it personally if someone decides you're not right for them (although, again, it would be nice if he had the basic courtesy to let you know, but he doesn't). Move on, and find someone who IS right for you.

I find it helps to assume, after each interaction I have with someone early on in the dating process (for the first couple of months, at least) that it will be the last one, even if he says he'll call or whatever. That way, if he calls, great, but if not, oh well, next!

It also helps to be emailing and dating several prospects early on as well, so you're not so focused on any one guy.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 2:19pm

Gosh, thanks so much for the great responses. It's not that I'm totally into this guy or anything, but it's the first time this has happened to me. I made it pretty clear up front that I wanted to take things slow and date others at first, and expected the same from him. That I never wanted to marry again, but would love a deep relationship if it developed. He seemed fine with that and agreed with me. But it was him who was pressing me to talk about my feelings for him and what I though was "going on between us". Oh well, lesson learned.

THANKS A MILLION

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 5:23pm

Oh, well, that's a big red flag right there. He may as well have worn a blinking sign that said, "I'm not emotionally healthy".

You might want to do some reading up on red flags in dating. There's a book called "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Steven Carter that mainly deals with commitment issues, but it has a great chapter on red flags to look for early in the dating process.

And here's are some links to some good lists of red flags:

http://www.heartlessbitches.com/rants/manipulator/redflaglist.shtml

http://www.womensaccounts.com/dating_a_loser.html