Single Again...Did I do the right thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2005
Single Again...Did I do the right thing?
3
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 4:42pm

Ok, Here is a little background, I am a 25 year old woman, I was married for 3 years, have been separated for 2 years. I had a boyfriend for 8 months but I ended that over the summer. I casually dated a few guys after that. About a month ago I saw I guy I used to think was really cute (I knew him a couple of years ago, but not very well). We ended up dating and then became boyfriend/girlfriend about 2 weeks ago. I broke up with him on Sunday, so hence the single again remark. I understand that it was only a couple of weeks, but he changed. At first he called me all the time, wanted to always hang out, told me that he really liked me so that he would make time to have me as a girlfriend, then after I became his girlfriend, then he would not call me, just call to say hi and he will talk to me tomorrow, not calling to hang out on the weekends at all, I had enough. He didn't call me Friday night or Saturday night, so on Sunday I called him and this was our 1 minute breakup:

Me: "What did you do all weekend?"
HIm: "I was waiting for you to call me"
Me: "Yeah right, why didn't you just call me?"
Him: "It works both ways baby"
Me: "Well, this ain't working for me AT ALL!!"
HIm: "What do you mean?"
Me: "You are not the kind of boyfriend I want, this is not what I wanted"
Him: "Are you sure"
Me: "Yes, I'm sure" "bye" and I hung up

I mean, what the hell, we were dating for 3 and a half weeks, if this guy really liked me he would have wanted to hang out more. I guess he wasn't ready for a girlfriend afterall. And if possible he wasn't being a complete jerk, it's still not the qualities I want in a boyfriend, it just wasn't right, I can't have a high school relationship, I want a real man who loves to see me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 5:06pm

You ask "Did I do the right thing?" but it very much sounds to me like you already know the answer to that. If something's not right, it's not right.

How long of a break have you taken from dating and relationships? I'm no expert but after a divorce and a couple break ups, I would think some breathing room would be in order.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 8:14pm
I'm not sure it sounded like you "handled" the situation in the right way but you may have "done" the right thing. I would have talked to him without snapping at him about how him not calling made you feel that he was pulling away since he had been calling more often in the past. The best thing to do when someone upsets you like this is to tell them in a calm and mature manner how it made you feel and that you would like more of an effort from him to call you because for all you know he had no clue that what he was doing was making you feel bad. If you got a positive response from him and he told you that he would try to work on it then you know you might have a keeper if he didn't respond positively "then" walk away from the situation. I always try to communicate my feelings first before I walk away from dating scenarios or r'ships. If the other party doesn't want to work with me then there is nothing I can do but at least I tried.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 2:26am
you need a break from men by the sounds of it. you were married at 22 by my math and im guessing you werent single for too long before that. you should be on your own for awhile and figure out who you are, then you wont have to ask other ppl if you re doing the right thing by dumping someone who s never there for you!