Should I wait for him to approach me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Should I wait for him to approach me?
23
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 2:25pm

Ok - in a nutshell, there's this guy at the gym. I see him there the same night every week. We exchange glances and smiles, and I think there's mutual interest. This has been going on for awhile.

The problem is, the gym is such an awkward place to start a conversation. I feel "on display" to all the other people working out and, being sort of shy, I just can't walk right up to this guy in front of everyone. Also, he hangs out in the free weights - while I use the circuit machines and cardio equipment across the room.

So, should I wait for him to approach me?

Also, I know I am not a very approachable person. I know I come across as being in my own little world, and guys I've dated in the past have commented that they were nervous to talk to me at first. I would LOVE some advice on how to make myself more approachable both in this gym situation and in general. I hope to get advice from the guys and girls on this one.

Thanks in advance!

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 2:49pm
Is there a common area you could sort of "hang out" in for a few minutes? Like a bulletin board or drinking fountain or something? That might make it easier.
Also, if you got a total surge of nerve (unlike I ever would) you could walk over and ask him if he knows how to use a machine or if he can show you something, without playing the "I'm just a weak little girl and I don't know how to work out" role. Just a thought, depending on how comfortable you are. I have found, though, that when I can get past my own comfort area and make this sort of move, it's very freeing. You don't have to wonder if he's interested. If he takes the bait or doesn't, you know.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 6:30pm

You need an opening line.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 9:45pm
Approach him. Don't be shy- just be friendly. Try using the free weights for a bit, find some way to bump into him and just introduce yourself. If you wait for him to approach you, then you'll just continue to wait and wait. Take some action :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 2:14pm

Thanks to all three of you for your advice/support. You're all right - I am letting fear get in my way, and it's time to break out of my comfort zone a bit. I should see him at the gym this week and I plan to 1) hang out in the free weight area 2) linger at the drinking fountain 3) say something - anything. :)

I will let you all know how it goes.

I have realized that I panic and run in public situations. I was in the bookstore the other day and this guy kept looking at me. He made his way over to where I was standing, looking at books, and I moved away before he could say anything! Idiot me. From now on, I am going to be more open to people approaching me.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 12:37pm
Let him make the move.I have said it in other posts..if youdon`t want to listen that is fine,but trust me on this one ok?Men should go after women.If a guy is interested in a girl,he WILL pursue her.Just because he smiles it does NOt mean anything.Men want sex,they notice a women if he thinks she is attractive and sexy,he will go after her.plenty of men come up to me at bars and what not and I have NOt said anything to them!why would you make the first move?if a guy wants you,he will go after you.Men are out for sex,why would they ignore a women they want or be too shy to go after someone?if a guy is THAT shy..then he is not interested in women..
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 2:40pm
Don't forget to let us know how it goes. And don't listen to people that say "do nothing". You can act like you're interested without giving away the farm. If nothing else, it will help you not be so shy in the future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 4:08pm
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I could not agree with you more on this.
Just because a man smiles and he's friendly towards you, does not necessarily mean he's interested. He may find you attractive and probably does want sex, but does not want to be your boyfriend.
I've learned this the hard way, but I've learned.
I've actually had a crush ask me out on a lunch date who was smiling at me and being friendly and flirty so when he asked me out, I was ecstatic.
However, when we sat down to eat, I was clearly blown away when he mentioned to me that he had already had a girlfriend but found me attractive and expressed that his attraction towards me was in his words, "Not a boyfriend type thing. It's purely physical."
Didn't give it up to him. Moved on and then there was another one smiling and staring and going out of his way to say hello. He NEVER made a move towards me and I chalked it up to him being shy. Then I thought back to my experiences and I have dealt with shy guys and believe it or not, they do eventually muster up some courage and ask you out. This guy wasn't and it bothered the heck out of me because I knew he was interested. I later saw him with his girlfriend and when he saw me, he turned red as an apple and the smiling and flirting stopped between us. LOL.
Let him come to you and if he does, make sure he's sincerely interested in you and not what he physically wants from you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 5:29pm

Hmm. I guess I have been lucky to have had higher-quality men in my life than that. Or maybe I have a few years on you.

I also have to say it does not seem like the end of the world if a guy might be attracted to me sexually. I say bring it on and, like lesleylou said, showing interest does not mean I'm "giving up the farm." (Thanks lesleylou!)

I appreciate your opinion, but I respectfully disagree.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 5:05pm
Just wondering if you've seen this guy since your post?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 5:19pm

Yes. :(

See my 'messed up my opportunity' post below. (accidentally posted it in the everything else section)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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