Why does he flirt, then back off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
Why does he flirt, then back off?
6
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 4:25pm

I was hanging out with a bunch of friends including this guy I think is really cute. I asked him if he wanted me to show him a card game, and he said sure, so we started playing. He instantly starting flirting with me and I flirted back. We were really enjoying ourselves. Out of nowhere, he started staring into my eyes and wouldn't look away, so I laughed and whispered, "What?" and he didn't say anything and we continued playing the card game. He did that twice! The next day, he barely talked to me (he would only talk to me if I started the conversation).

Why do guys do this? They flirt with you and make it seem as though they're interested, and then the next time you see them, nothing? (NOTE: there was no consumption of alcohol before/during this incident. And he doesn't have a girlfriend, and he knows I know that.)

Thanks in advance for any help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 9:38am
Maybe it's just too early or maybe I'm just too simple but sometimes, I think people just like to flirt. They like the way it feels and they like the other person's reaction. I've known both women and men to do this and probably for various reasons- it just is what it is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 2:35pm

It's too early to read anything into it. Some people will flirt with anybody. This is not to suggest the guy isn't interested in you, but maybe he wants to enjoy the flirtation period a bit longer. It's fun after all.

The fact that it's frustrating to you indicates that you want something more, and soon, whether from him or someone else. If it's a boyfriend you want and he's not going at your speed, then stop trying to read him and move on to someone else. If you really care about getting a reading on this guy, flirt back as much as possible, make a move (if the setting is right and it feels comfortable) and see what happens. When a man is attracted to a woman, he won't push away her advances. Just don't go overboard or come across as desparate or reckless.

In general though, when I find myself in this situation, I just tell myself the guy is just a flirt and it's me he's really into. This helps me to take my focus off him and go back to being my fabulous self. : )

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 4:06pm
Thanks so much for the help. I guess you're right and it is frusterating when you're into a guy and you try to read into it as much as possible because you WANT something to happen. It makes me feel better though that out of nowhere he sat beside me during lunch, out of a gazillion other places to sit! I should have said something to him. :P
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 11:12am
I agree with the other posters.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 11:38pm
a guy I work with that I am good friends with always flirts with me,asked me couple times if I am seeing anyone,and has been WAy flirty ever since I dumped my jerk ex..i do NOt take it seriously..it is fun,BUT we are friends..he has suggested hanging out....and if we do fine but I just see it as him being freindly...don`t read into things.A guy will tell you he wants you and all that stuff IF he DOES want you...a guy is NOT going to be JUST friends with a woman.When a guy comes up to you at a bar or anywhere and says hey let`s hang out or hey you are hot whats your number,THEN you know he wants you.A guy flirting,or a guy friend flirting and suggesting hanging out does NOt mean anything
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Fri, 12-23-2005 - 8:56am

LOL, all I have to say is when women pull the eyes thing with me it's over. I'm done and I think it's all good until recently. I wasn't aware of it at first but I guess she was just toying with me although... this may not end the same way in your situation. I dunno of many guys that do that unless they're pretty real about it.

I've had a few problems where, apparently I do the same thing without the eyse thing. Hmmm, recently I've done it enough where guys are telling me... "dude, stop acting like you're interested". I've gotten about 5 girls to give me their number and I just sit there shocked as can be. I do it because usually they're the shy ones and no one is talking to them, something of the sort. Most recently I've used the "I'm seeing someone" card cause I am simply not interested sometimes. For some guys it's a game... for other's they have no clue what's going on. I'd talk to you if I was interested just sometimes you can't take every conversation you can get...