Must Love Dogs

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Must Love Dogs
21
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 10:31pm

I just rented "Must Love Dogs" and what struck me was how John Cusack told Diane Lane on their second date that he wanted to cut out the small talk and to get to the heart of things. I realized that on my dates that is what I have done (I'm 52) and seemed to have scared most of my dates away doing that. I sense that even though women profess wanting an intimate relationship that they need to do that in steps, gradually. I come open, honest, direct and that seems to scare women.

I am curious what have been your experiencs and/or how would you respond to the John Cusack approach? BTW on these dates have been after we review each other's match.com profiles and have talked on the phone.

Mark

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Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 9:37am

I think most romantic comedies are full of whimsical, fairy-tale ideas and are so far from what I consider reality that I cannot stomach them. I refuse to watch them because they frustrate me with what should happen ideally, but what probably won't for most of us.

Honestly, I'd love to meet a guy and have an instant connection and he want to talk about feelings on a first date, but it isn't really realistic and I'd still be wary of a guy that did that. I might not be turned off right away, but I know most of my friends would and I can't blame them. I also would not start a talk like this with a guy cause, I'd probably lose his interest faster than getting the drinks to the table.

I say don't take romantic comedies seriously. They are all drivel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 10:02am

***I am curious what have been your experiencs and/or how would you respond to the John Cusack approach?***

For me, the answer would depend on how much I liked the guy. If there was that instant attraction and I thought he was just the cat's pajamas, I would be more than happy to get down to business. If I liked him but was not sure how much, it might turn me off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 10:30am
The "John Cusack Approach" is about the same in every movie. Unfortunately, I don't think it's very realistic. Sure, it would be ideal to have that instant connection and feel no hesitation when talking about feelings and emotions on the first date but I can't say I'd be all that comfortable with a total stranger- no matter how much I liked him.
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Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 10:38am
Coming across that direct would scare me. Plain and simple.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 11:04am

I just rented it last night too ;-)! I was not impressed...and I'm usually a sucker for anything with John Cusack in it, but that was a real turkey, IMO. I would have also liked to see a more realistic approach to online dating portrayed, but of course, it's a movie so that's not going to happen ;-).

But to your question...I would not be "scared off" per se, but I would be a better match with a man who realizes that you can want an intimate relationship but that it takes time to build one and that not wanting to bare one's entire soul to a stranger right off the bat doesn't mean that one isn't open, honest and direct. I'm someone who does need to do it in steps, gradually, as you say. But someone who's right for you, Mark, would be more comfortable with your approach. It's all a matter of fit.

I like a balance...a bit of self-disclosure early on is fine but not the whole enchilada. I need to be comfortable with someone before I can open up completely, and that takes more than 1-2 dates as a rule.

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:21pm

I tend to hate small talk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:58pm

I agree..movies are unrealistic & cons us into believing in a reality we would all love to have. I get disgusted by all the fairy tale crap & honestly I thought the 2 characters were mismatches...there was an age difference. Although I didn't see the movie, I just thought Diane Ladd was too old for Cusack when I first saw the previews. Nothing wrong with age differences...just didn't see it happenning.

I did have the experience of a guy cutting to the chase & it freaked me out. I think getting to know someone should take time. It's not like a business deal no matter now anxious we are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 1:00pm

I hate small talk, and I used to be the bare-my-soul kind of person. I learned the hard way that you really shouldn't reveal intimate details until the relationship has reached that intimacy phase -- so, definitely not on the first date or even the first several weeks. It makes you way too vulnerable too early if you start sharing the deep stuff that soon.

I think it is best to let things develop gradually. It starts with a spark, you find out his favorite color, then you figure out if he likes the beach and you prefer the mountains, then you talk about how many kids you'd like to raise (or where you'd like to retire), and then you finally share the old hurts, the dreams, and all the intimate details.

Anything worthwhile takes patience. Exercise patience in a relationship, and you might just find one that's worth it.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: mhash
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 7:43pm
I agree with all the other posters. I feel more comfortable with someone who reveals things in layers and over time. It makes things more interesting and more real. It leaves things to the imagination and if it's meant to be then there is plenty of time to get to know eachother on an intimate level. I would be scared away by a man who revealed too much on the first few dates. It's ok to ask questions such as "do you see yourself having children one of these days" etc etc to make sure you have the same goals in life but to reveal past hurts and disappointment that's a little too much. As far as movies goes, I too believe that most of what you see in these romantic comedies does not happen in real life. Granted we all would like to have these things happen but the truth of the matter is that they just don't. I used to have my head in the clouds and wanted the whole "romantic story" for myself but I'm older and wiser now and I know the difference between reality and fantasy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2005
In reply to: mhash
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 12:22am
I agree with Mark on this. I have not seen the movie, but I am pretty direct, open and honest in my dealings with people in general. I don't BS anyone. I want to discuss my likes and dislikes, philosophy on life, etc. Feelings take time to develop, that is not what I am referring to. I just want to meet someone who is not afraid to be open and honest with me. I don't know why this is so difficult. I have done the exact same thing, Mark, with mixed results. For the most part, men run as well. I am who I am, though and I refuse to pretend to be someone that I'm not. I will continue to be direct, open and honest and hope I can find someone who appreciates that.

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