Must Love Dogs
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Must Love Dogs
| Wed, 12-28-2005 - 10:31pm |
I just rented "Must Love Dogs" and what struck me was how John Cusack told Diane Lane on their second date that he wanted to cut out the small talk and to get to the heart of things. I realized that on my dates that is what I have done (I'm 52) and seemed to have scared most of my dates away doing that. I sense that even though women profess wanting an intimate relationship that they need to do that in steps, gradually. I come open, honest, direct and that seems to scare women.
I am curious what have been your experiencs and/or how would you respond to the John Cusack approach? BTW on these dates have been after we review each other's match.com profiles and have talked on the phone.
Mark

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I think most romantic comedies are full of whimsical, fairy-tale ideas and are so far from what I consider reality that I cannot stomach them. I refuse to watch them because they frustrate me with what should happen ideally, but what probably won't for most of us.
Honestly, I'd love to meet a guy and have an instant connection and he want to talk about feelings on a first date, but it isn't really realistic and I'd still be wary of a guy that did that. I might not be turned off right away, but I know most of my friends would and I can't blame them. I also would not start a talk like this with a guy cause, I'd probably lose his interest faster than getting the drinks to the table.
I say don't take romantic comedies seriously. They are all drivel.
***I am curious what have been your experiencs and/or how would you respond to the John Cusack approach?***
For me, the answer would depend on how much I liked the guy. If there was that instant attraction and I thought he was just the cat's pajamas, I would be more than happy to get down to business. If I liked him but was not sure how much, it might turn me off.
I just rented it last night too ;-)! I was not impressed...and I'm usually a sucker for anything with John Cusack in it, but that was a real turkey, IMO. I would have also liked to see a more realistic approach to online dating portrayed, but of course, it's a movie so that's not going to happen ;-).
But to your question...I would not be "scared off" per se, but I would be a better match with a man who realizes that you can want an intimate relationship but that it takes time to build one and that not wanting to bare one's entire soul to a stranger right off the bat doesn't mean that one isn't open, honest and direct. I'm someone who does need to do it in steps, gradually, as you say. But someone who's right for you, Mark, would be more comfortable with your approach. It's all a matter of fit.
I like a balance...a bit of self-disclosure early on is fine but not the whole enchilada. I need to be comfortable with someone before I can open up completely, and that takes more than 1-2 dates as a rule.
Sheri
I tend to hate small talk.
I agree..movies are unrealistic & cons us into believing in a reality we would all love to have. I get disgusted by all the fairy tale crap & honestly I thought the 2 characters were mismatches...there was an age difference. Although I didn't see the movie, I just thought Diane Ladd was too old for Cusack when I first saw the previews. Nothing wrong with age differences...just didn't see it happenning.
I did have the experience of a guy cutting to the chase & it freaked me out. I think getting to know someone should take time. It's not like a business deal no matter now anxious we are.
I hate small talk, and I used to be the bare-my-soul kind of person. I learned the hard way that you really shouldn't reveal intimate details until the relationship has reached that intimacy phase -- so, definitely not on the first date or even the first several weeks. It makes you way too vulnerable too early if you start sharing the deep stuff that soon.
I think it is best to let things develop gradually. It starts with a spark, you find out his favorite color, then you figure out if he likes the beach and you prefer the mountains, then you talk about how many kids you'd like to raise (or where you'd like to retire), and then you finally share the old hurts, the dreams, and all the intimate details.
Anything worthwhile takes patience. Exercise patience in a relationship, and you might just find one that's worth it.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
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