To keep him or not to keep him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
To keep him or not to keep him?
4
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 3:53pm

All right, I will make this as short, and sweet as possible.

I have been friends with this guy since September. Nothing more. He is one not to return phone calls until days later, and always has some sort of excuse of why he doesn't or hasn't called. Something like *I had a softball game, and when coming back, I stopped by the bar, and got a little drunk* ...No, he doesn't have a drinking problem, haha. But, anyway, I haven't spoken to him since Christmas day, but in a voicemail he left me this past Friday, he said he would call one day this week (which obviously last week has passed) No word from him.

Do I answer and accept him excuse when he calls, or cut him loose? He has been this way ever since we met, so this isn't a new issue.

Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks :)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 4:20pm

If you are really friends with the guy and not hoping for more, then I'd say keep him as a friend, but don't expect him to keep his word...accept him AS IS.

Of course, if you don't tolerate that behavior even in platonic friends, then cut him loose altogether.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 5:15pm

Do you want to be more than just friends with him? If so- talk to him about that first and foremost.
If his lack of concern and manners just bothers you as a "friend" issue, then I wouldn't bother saying anything to him. Just as a female friend may do the same thing he's doing, then it's entirely up to how close of a friend he is. For myself- if a friend ticks me off and doesn't call me back or backs out on plans, i'll say so to her when i do talk to her (ie: geez, it sure takes you a while to call back.) if it really bothers me. Usually I just say to myself "obviously this isn't a close friendship,i'm not going to keep wasting energy on her."

If you are hoping this friendship is going to turn into something more-then talk to him and cut him loose. I myself just had a conversation with this guy that i've become friends with but was extremely attracted to- i came clean and told him i couldn't keep doing this and we had a very honest conversation (i wont bore you with too many details). We've decided to stay friends and I honestly don't really care how often i hear from him, i'm just happy we cleared things up and got our expectations clear with eachother.

So, yes-clear up expectations, be honest with him and move on/cut him loose. He sounds like a lot of energy/work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 2:03pm

Thank the both of you very much for you advice, if he would ever call, I am going to cut him loose. But, I will be damned if I call him, I did once last week, he has caller-id.

Vgirl~ You are right about him being a lot of energy and work. He being that way isn't fair to me at all.

I say he can go find someone who is more worth his time, even as a friend.

Thanks again :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 2:17pm
Well, come to find out, as I has suspected all along, he is seeing someone new. We spoke this past Tuesday, and he says he thinks about how badly he treated me by stringing me along, not telling me about his new squeeze, ect, everyday. So he says he will call, never does. Lucky me, he ended our friendship on his own. I look at him not calling when he said he would my get-out of telling him I can't keep this friendship card. He he said on Tuesday that he would do anything to make what he has done up. Haha, what a crock.