How do other ladies handle this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
How do other ladies handle this?
11
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 8:20pm
It is tough being Single.A poster was writing how it is tough to pursue,because men do not pursue her.I think it is just hard toaccept it when men are NOT going after you.Men do NOt chase after me.I am cute,but not HOT.I don`t dress sexy.I am not the barhopping clubbing /partying /type.I don`t put out.Unless there is some kind of relationship.I am a prude.making out is one thing.It is hard,but if i wanted to change my life and be unhappy ,then I guess i could go out and do those things.But I don`t.At 28,it is tough.Men my age so so freakin immature.They want the girls they see dancing at go go bars!My ex used to be such a sweety..but his friends made him out like he was whipped.called him all the time,wanted him to always go out,and eventually he preferred them over me.He hurt me so much I thought he was the one!and when i had enough of his crap,and found out he lied behind my back about things and confronted,he got a temper,but chilled out.We broke up and he pursued a slut type we both knew.Real nice.A guy I work with flirts with me.He has asked me several times if i am going out with anyone.He has suggested hanging out.Why does he do this?we have not yet to hung out,and what does he care if i am single or not?sure I don`t mind playing pool like he suggested.But he is not interested in me,so why does he want to hang out anyway?he knows I am not the type to go home with.We are friends ,he knows me well enough.He knows i have been going through tough time(death of uncle,etc)so he is just nice.Nice friend.Anyways i am ranting.Nice I have some nice guy friends.but let`s face it.If men want us,they would chase after us.When they are friends with us,we are screwed.LOL.no,it is just that we are not the "appealing types"I guess.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 10:05am

Hi!

I think it was my thread that you were speaking of and if its any consolation, I am one of those hottie types. I dress sexy, love to flaunt myself, go clubbing and dancing weekly, drink, party, the whole nine and currently there are no guys chasing me. I go out with my hot girlfriends maybe twice a week and besides glares and stares, I hardly ever get asked for my number and I never get asked out on dates.

I could say these guys are intimidated cause I'm usually the life of the party and the first one on the dance floor, I'm very outspoken and I'm usually in a group of 6-7 gorgeous, single women, but its hard for me to think that ALL these guys are intimidated. Sadly, I think I must give off an unapproachable or ineligiable vibe cause I haven't been asked out since Sept.

Apparently, laughing at the bar, dancing on the floor or smiling and speaking to people isn't enough to garner any attention, so I don't think the type really matters. For whatever reason, people are just not getting together like they use to (or so I've heard)

(sigh) Meanwhile, I'm having dinner with the girls again tonight.

Avatar for mdee68
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 10:32am

I can relate to both of your posts! I meet jerks all the time who ask me out and do not follow up on it. One co-worker would ask me out and when I'd let him know I'm free, he'd proceed with the following, "I'll let you know when I'm available." Which he never did. This was a constant thing he did that I got so turned off. It was like he was a retard or something! So finally I got hip to him when he did it again. He asked me out and I just said to him, "Oh, I'm sorry, I have alot on my plate right now. I'll let you know." He never asked me out again! Needless to say he started pursuing another co-worker.

Men are jerks until they prove otherwise in my opinion. One male friend of mine told me that men are not into pursuing relationships with women. They'd prefer hanging with the boys because it's alot less stressful; no arguments with girlfriends. And hey, with the free sex that women are throwing around these days, why should a guy commit to a relationship when he can pretty much get laid with some random babe and hang out with the boys anytime he wants!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 10:43am

It's so sad, but in my experience as a single women, it seems like most men I encounter do not want to deal with getting emotionally involved, invested or being "tied down" with a women, espcially when they can get a friend with benefits or like you said hang out with the boys instead.

I've found that usually when a guy has asked me out, no matter how great the date went in my eyes, they rarely call for a 2nd or 3rd and it can take them anywhere from 1-3 months to followup on that. I'm stumped but it seems like women and relationships is not a priority for many men these days. And I'm dealing with guys in their late 20s to early 30s.

Meanwhile, I feel like I better get used to hanging with my girlfriends every weekend, cause that is the only action I will get.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 11:33pm
whoops! I hope My post did not offend you!Well nothing wrong with going out and having fun..I do too..what I was trying to say was,I am not into one night stands or having sex real soon.I think those guys at the bars are always just up for that and you can do better for yourself...meaning if they don`t approach you,you are not missing anything.I really don`t know..neither one of us have the guys running in our direction.We both suck.LOLNah,it is the guys who suck.They don`t know a good thing when they see it
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 11:48pm
wow I agree! yes women give it up so quick and have kids with different men,why the hell should men have relationships!And yes the coworkers are jerks.Why do they do that?ask to hang out ,ask if we are single,then do not follow up on it?i guess it is boosting their ego?As for me,I did not really jump at the oppurtunity,and me and the guy are friends anyway.I will admit not all guys will pursue their friends.I had several guys friends in past that NEVE pursued me or even told me!I found out through other people OR they admitted it later,when they were taken and i guess it is easier to admit to it then?So that is interesting huh?the guy at your job sounds like a real jerk though,nothing like the guy i am freinds with at my job.After being hurt couple times,being asked out,or a guy mentioning hanging out is not as appealing anymore...and I suppose if a woman is single long time,men might stay clear of her?
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 11:53pm

Wow.. interesting experience and observation on men. I wonder if that is across the board or a particular age group ... I'm 52 and have never would have acted that way ... ever so maybe I'm the exception. I know I did not fit in with "the guys" so maybe that's the reason.

For me I find it challenging to meet quality PEOPLE, women or men.

Mark

Avatar for bluebird1234
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 12:18am

While I agree that there are many men out there who are jerks, and looking for the easy sex, they are not ALL that way. It just takes a lot of time to find someone with whom you both have chemistry for each other. Like many of you, the dates I felt went well and really liked the guy, I didn't get asked out for a 2nd or 3rd date. Of course, the guys I wasn't interested in, DID call!

It seemed to always work that way! I hung out at bars with girlfriends to have fun, dance, and meet guys, but never did get asked out on a date by any guy at a bar. I started to look at ALL activities as potential places to meet men, you never know who you are going to meet and where, and it makes things interesting. Like the last poster said, its not just men you need to meet, but making new girlfriends is good too. The more people you know, the more potential people you will meet.

The best dates were ones that were set up through friends. However, I ended up meeting my boyfriend online! Don't write off the dating web sites. I used to try them a few months, get discouraged and stop, then try again months later when I got bored. A lot of men there are just looking to get laid too, you have to be careful, but you can actually meet some nice guys.

I'm sure you all are unique individuals, you just haven't met the person yet with whom you will click. It took me 18 months of dating until I met my boyfriend, and we've been going out now for 9 months. BTW, I'm 45, and men act pretty much the same way now as they did when I was a teenager! The good ones are out there, you just have to be patient!

Oh, and one other thing? I think the guy at work might like you, you have nothing to lose by hanging out with him, even if you think he's only a friend. I would just use caution that sparks may eventually fly, and if you work in the same general area and see each other at work often, dating would not be a good idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2005
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 2:06am

I agree, not all men are jerks. I don't like to go to bars to meet men. I prefer to go with my girlfriends and just have fun. Unfortunately the men most likely to talk to you at a bar are also often just looking for sex. I prefer other settings or being setup by a friend. I feel my chances of meeting a nice guy are significantly greater this way.

The other thing that has changes for me is who I am attracted to. I admit I used to be attracted to "bad boys", guys who were emotionally unavailable and then wonder why nothing came of it. I now avoid that type and find myself interested in different men. It's more about personality than looks for me now, of course I'm 36 so that does make a difference. Glad to hear you found someone. You sound happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 10:59am
i am not interested in men at bars.I ignore them,but personlally,I do not see men trying to pick women up at bars.I never see that going on ,on the busiest nights no less.Maybe it has gotten old,or my state is little different?Not saying it does NOT happen,just not as much as i hear of it.People go out in groups of friends,and if 2 people like each other in that group,well then things might happen.
I am not into that crap myself
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 11:10am

hello..yes soem men are decent.LOL.Myspace website has nicer people on there,many men are in relationships and just like to make friends,and make it clear they are not after anything else.I also got in touch with old school friends.
I don`t know about my coworker,I really think we would have hung out by now.But he does not have a vehicle right now,and I do not care to drive some guy around.last time he asked when we are going to hang out,I told him I don`t know,because I was carless,I was involved in accident(not my fault)and then his vehicle had problems.But anyways,I don`t know.We both had some stressful things going on lately too.He might like me,but i will not ponder over it,because he can be full of crap too.I think if men like us they would make it clear,,...but some guys have in the past and they did NOT pursue.Makes you wonder,why don`t they,if they like you alot?So I don`t understand men.

after anymore.I would advise anyone looking on line to go to Myspace.com.I have made some nice friends both genders on there!As well as gotten in touch with old school friends.

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