Ex got married

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Ex got married
16
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 8:46am
Well, I told you all a few months ago that I have been in contact with my ex (the one who broke my heart years ago). It has been great talking with him and I got some much needed closure from the whole thing. I never wanted to get back together with him - we didn't work out for some very important reasons. He just told me that he got married and even though I knew we are over and held no hopes (or needs even) for anything to happen between us again, it still really hurts. That he should find love and be married while I still struggle hurts more than I can say. I am sitting at work desperately trying not to break down bawling. Ugh...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: auntjules
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 8:52am

Oh, Jules, I am so sorry.

I know wexactly how you feel. My ex of 8 years, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and the same guy who I've yet to find any guy that even comes near him, also got married a few months ago and I have to admit, it's been bothering me ever since. He got married exactly one year after I broke up with him.

It feels so unfair, especially since I'm not seeing anyone and can barely get a date these days. I wish I knew what to say to comfort you, but I'm in the same boat and I found out 6 months ago! I wish I'd never found it, I feel like it haunts me.

((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) Big hugs to you. Try to put this out of your mind and remind yourself why it didn't work out and why he wasn't the one. I'm still trying to do this myself. It's hard I know, try to stay strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
In reply to: auntjules
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 9:38am

Ugh, that's heavy. I know that feeling and I hate it. Two years ago, my first-love ex got married. On my birthday. I spent the day I found out and several days to follow going through all kinds of emotions. It was like I was walking around in a cloud asking "why him?" and "why now?" and, most of all, "why not me?"

Nothing really helped to pull me out of it other than time. That, and margaritas. :-)

I will say this, though, and please don't take it as the token "you will find love, too" comment. But, I really do think you will. After talking with you over these few months and especially on my other thread this morning, I really do think it's not only possible but highly probable. You cared enough about the problem of a stranger (me) to put thought and energy into a response and helped me sort it out. You may not need a reminder of this but people destined to be alone don't act this way. They don't care about other people and their feelings. Along with all the other qualities you may value about yourself, I think this is one that stands out when it comes to relationships. People who don't care about relationships don't tend to end up in the one they want. You really don't seem that way to me. I know this is just my opinion and I am pretty much a stranger telling you this, but I hope it restores a little bit of faith, even if just for a moment.

And, if all else fails, cocktails seem to have a little bit of faith in them, too. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: auntjules
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 9:49am
Well, I wasn't able to stave off the tears and now that I have started, I don't feel like I can stop.There's nothing quite like sitting in a cubicle trying to cry quietly and not draw attention. Thank you so much for all of your kind words - they are a salve and it does help to know that someone can see some worthiness in me. Because right now I don't feel so worthy. As for the booze, well, I may just have to give it a try at lunch. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: auntjules
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 12:18pm
Thanks for the hugs - I could use them now. After having a few hours to think about it, I am really kind of pissed off and disgusted by the whole thing. I think that it is completely disrespectful of his wife to not tell me right away as well as not being respectful of me. I wonder if he has told her that he is been communicating with me - I bet not.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: auntjules
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 12:27pm

Jules, I'm sorry to hear that. I agree, it was a lousy thing for him to not tell you right away.

It will pass...but it's totally understandable that you're upset.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
In reply to: auntjules
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 12:30pm

Woah, woah. I guess I didn't read things correctly. He's been chatting with you while he's newly married? I thought the chatting happened before and THEN he got married.
Yeah, I can see how you'd be irritated by that. That is disrespectful to his new wife and insulting to you. Wow. Instead of a consolation drink, I'd have a thank-goodness-I'm-not-involved-with-him drink.

It's interesting, isn't it? How some people can treat their relationships and somehow, still find a way to have them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: auntjules
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 12:34pm

I'm so sorry. I know I would feel the same way if my ex got married.

I don't know that I have any words of wisdom, but I just wanted to express my sympathy.

It's good that you know he wasn't the right one, but I know it probably brings up a lot of memories. Just remember that you are a great person with a lot going for you, and someone out there will be the right match for you.

Also - it's likely that your ex's issues didn't completely disappear -- and at least it's not you who has to put up with his issues now.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: auntjules
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 12:35pm
I'm sorry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: auntjules
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 12:44pm
Yeah - to think that I could have married him and then found out that he was chatting with his exgirlfriend via email. Without telling her that he was married. Ugh. I know that I am better off without him. B*st*rd.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: auntjules
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 12:47pm
You are so right about his issues not disappearing - the way he has handled this whole thing is proof positive that some bad behaviors never change.

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