And I thought the date went so well...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
And I thought the date went so well...
3
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 8:04pm

I had a date on Sunday with this guy that I met on New Year's Eve. Wow, what a great time! I thought things had gone well anyway, now i'm starting to second guess everything.

We slept together on New Year's Eve- so kind of a, not-so-perfect start to a relationship. Amazing chemistry though (the best kisser ever!).
So we talked this past Saturday and arranged for a date on Sunday. We rented a couple of movies, went for a long walk, went for dinner- was just a really nice afternoon/evening. I probably said some things I shouldn't have-we sort of talked about past relationships and I said a couple of things that I was like "why the heck did I just say that!"

However, things still went well. We talked about a lot of things and I started to really get to know him, and he vice-versa. We were close to having sex, but I told him I really wanted to take things slow. He totally respected that (or so i thought) and we just kissed a whole lot (ha, i felt like such a teenager! but it was so amazing).

Before we parted ways we kissed for a very long time and decided we would see eachother on Monday or Tuesday night (tonight) since he was working shift work the rest of the week and wouldn't be off in the evening again until Saturday.

Well, he hasn't called. If he doesn't call tonight (and I don't think he will since it's almost 7), I don't think that things are going to work well. Considering he's working 12 hour shifts until Saturday, he won't be calling me before then and I don't really feel great having someone call me on the day they want to see me (if that would be the case).

I feel a combination of things. I feel disappointed. I feel relieved in some ways, because I don't know if i'm ready for a relationship and I don't really know if he's someone I can see myself with. I feel disrespected, that he doesn't seem to think it's important to call. I feel like maybe this is for the best- maybe my telling him i want to take things slow told him i'm not into "just sex" and maybe that's all he was looking for and is just a really good liar. And of course I feel like maybe I messed up and scared him away with the things I said- I often speak without thinking. But ha, well, if he scares that easily then maybe he shouldn't be with someone like me!

Anyway, just had to vent. I've been single now for 4 months and I feel lucky to have experienced at least some kind of love-life so far, but at the same time I'm scared that I'm going to jump into something that's not right for me. I don't want to sell myself short and settle for someone just because he's there. But damnit, I still feel that hurt he didn't call.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 11:03pm
I know what you're going thru b/c I've done the same thing. I've jumped in with both feet, sleeping with someone way too early and then being disappointed when things didn/t work out. That's why I'm trying to take things slow when I met someone. I'd rather have them stop seeing me b/c I didn't sleep with them then b/c I did. I don't know why he hasn't called and maybe he still will. But do you like the way you feel right now? I know how hard it can be to say no when you meet someone and it feels right. I believe when you move too fast it's b/c you don't have good boundaries. At least that's my problem. Don't beat yourself up if things don't work out. Try to do things different next time. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 8:53am
It sounds to me like you've taken things too fast and it's really hard to salvage something that's already gone too far. Say there are 20 steps to get to know someone (just hypothetical), you've started at step 13. No matter if the guy calls or not, I think there's a lesson to be learned here and growing to do. Someone can only make you "feel disrespected" if you let them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 1:30pm

>>I've been single now for 4 months and I feel lucky to have experienced at least some kind of love-life so far, but at the same time I'm scared that I'm going to jump into something that's not right for me. <<

Four months isn't very long to be single. It's good that you set a boundary with this guy about not having sex (again) yet, and letting yourself decide if you really are ready for another relationship so soon.

I agree with Lesley that there is something to be learned here. The attention is wonderful, and it's nice to have chemistry, but it sounds like you are looking for something more than just physical chemistry. If that's the case, slow is good.

If the guy doesn't call and things don't work out, it's likely a blessing in disguise.

AJ, enjoying life with C.