how to not be single?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2005
how to not be single?
4
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 2:50am
I know it seems silly, but im 18 and have never had a boyfriend. I have kissed/hooked up with 5 guys, but of course thats all like...them wanting play and me being the only female around. How do i develop a relatioship with a guy BEFORE hooking up...i know this seems ridiculous, but i just don't know how to like...start dating or meet the right guy or any of that....how has anyone else dealt with this sort of thing? i don't know, i guess im just curious and open to suggestions. im very shy as well so i guess that doesnt help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 9:20am
I'm 27 and I've only had one boyfriend (and that was last year!). I think that you should focus on getting to know people first and enjoying yourself with them before hooking up with them. I'm sorry that I don't have more advice to give, but it's kind of like practice makes perfect. And as much as I hate the old cliche of "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince", it is 100% true! I've been on countless first dates, but that's the only way you are going to get out there and meet people. Just be yourself, enjoy yourself, but set standards too.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 11:25am

First I should say that anytime I see someone post who is still a teenager, I go into "mommy mode" because I have a sister who is 15 and a niece who is 16, and I immediately think of them and what they could be doing/thinking about.


You're 18.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 1:49pm

don't hookup with them. if you do, then they just figure that that is all it is-a hookup. not grounds for a possible relationship. if they can get free milk, why keep the cow? (lol, im not calling you a cow btw)

don't try to meet boyfriends in bars and clubs. when guys are drunk and single they just want action. try meeting guys through extra curricular clubs, school, your neighborhood, and mutual friends. there are exceptions. i have dated a guy that i met at a bar. but i didn't kiss him or do anything the first time we met, or the second, or the third or fourth. we hung out first, then it just happened.

i feel ya girl. i'm 20 and just had my first relationship last year, my first year of college. before i always wondered why the guys that i hooked up with didnt want more. i mean i think im a pretty cool girl! it baffled me why i had never had a relationship.
truth is, it's kinda hard. you gotta find someone that 1. wants to commit and 2. has a good personality and 3. you are attracted to.

my advice- be patient. take things slow. and respect yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 12:32pm

Considering your age, I would say...
The guy should call you (or you call him) and schedule dinner. You go out, you talk, you hold hands, maybe a goodnight kiss at the door. Second date, same thing. Third date, same thing...

My point is that to experience a real relationship, you need to know each other as people and not just make out or kiss. A physical connection creates a false sense of intimacy, but real intimacy comes from knowing about the person: his values, his dreams, how he treats the important people in his life, etc.

My best advice is to go slow. If you meet someone at a party, for example, don't just make out with him there. Try giving him your phone number and saying, "hey, I've really enjoyed meeting you. If you'd ever like to go out sometime, here's my number." He should get the hint that you are looking for more than a random hookup at a party, and that you'd like to go out on a real date.

(Ok, you know what? Upon further reflection, this applies to all of us - not just the 18 yos on the board).

AJ, enjoying life with C.