friendship gone south

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
friendship gone south
4
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 11:47pm

I met this girl back in May last year. We were both single and new to the city so we became friends in no time we would see each other every day and had a lot of fun discovering the city together and making friends. Everyone she knows I know and vice versa.
She is 3 yrs younger(28y/o) I invited her many times to my place to have dinner, watch a movie and just chill. She never invited me to her place. Never brought anything with her when she came for dinners. First I thought she might be socially awckward and does not know she should get the drinks or the dessert... anyway I thought it is not between friends so I ignored.
I also noticed that even when we go to potluck parties she would bring cookies for $3!
she was between apartments so she stayed with me for 10 days, brought her food from the old fridge with her including a chocolate bar and some cookies.
when she moved to her new apart. I asked her to take all her stuff with her. She said no I leave you the cookies and chocolate. A month later she came to watch a movie and ask if she can have some cookies. I said I have none so she was surprised : I had finished her cookies just by myself!! I felt she is soooo low and cheap for asking but ignored it.

still i did not want to judge her and kept making excuses for her.
until we decided to go together on a trip to South America around Xmas holidays. This is where she drove me nuts and I realised she is officially cheap and not only that but proud of it. She would haggle with people over a $1. she would not leave tips in restaurants and hotels. She was always obsessed that everything she buys she can get it cheaper somewhere else and so had to check 10 different places b4 she buys it... For me I was in a poor country I did not mind spending few $$ extra on tips and gratuities. I knew $100 wont make any difference for me but it might make few families happier over the holiday period. And I m not a christian while she is!! worse even she makes more money than I make!
after coming back from vacation I did not feel like being best friends with her anymore. I have a big circle of friends so I dont really have to maitain our friendship. I dont know why I feel that she was using me to get the little free things she gets at my place!
do you think I m exaggerating? would you be able to stay friends with someone like her?

That is a loong rant! thnx for reading :)

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 7:49am

If this bothers you about her, then the friendship would be strained and not a positive experience for either of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 8:49am

I guess it depends on how badly you want to keep the friendship. If her habits bother you so much that you feel you're being used, then you shouldn't be friends with her. On the other hand, if you're close, you could always discuss it with her. Shywon is right, maybe she doesn't know these things.

When I was just out of college and working for mere pennies, I had friends that were older and better off and sort of "took care" of me. They would invite me to dinner and parties knowing that I couldn't afford to contribute much and they wouldn't expect it. Maybe her finances are strapped and you just don't know it?

Then again, maybe it is just a bad habit and if you can't live with it then you just have to accept that you won't be close friends with her and move on from there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 10:14am

first off, how does one make new friends at 30 years old? I'd like to know how to do that! :(

second off, it hasn't even been a year since you met here... I'd say if you can already tell her antics bother you... that friendship doesn't have much chance.

I have a girlfriend who has some very annoying ways of life... but I've been friends with her so long... I can't let go of the friendship now. I'd say cut your loses and enjoy your other friends... *sigh*

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 3:05pm

I think it's hard to say if you could stay friends with her but I can certainly relate with her thriftiness.

Some of my relatives would consider me cheap or tight with a dollar and that's because truthfully, I have little disposable cash to work with and I'd prefer to put more of my money in the bank (I'd like to own a home one day). In fact, after I pay my monthly bills I usually only have around $250 left and once you take out the necessary and high gas prices, that usually leaves me with $100-$160 to last me 4 weeks! And you have to consider all the little things that come up every month, toiletries, birthdays, office parties, vet bills, prescriptions, it all adds up. In fact, some weekends, I only have $25 to work with so I tend to eat and drink at home, having to skip the fancy dinners with friends and I tend to go to places that don't have an admission or cover fee.

If this is something you just can't deal with, then find other friends. But I'd also consider that not everyone has the same financial freedom you might have.

Also, some may not have had the prior knowledge about bringing things over to parties as you may have. I only picked up on in recent years.