Another Example of Why Dating Sucks

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Another Example of Why Dating Sucks
9
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 12:46pm

So ever since my last breakup (fall 2004), I'd been trying to find an old college beau. I'd searched everywhere, Craigslist, all the dating sites, Friendster, Myspace, the paper and even Googled his name. Nothing came up and all his numbers and addresses had been changed and he wasn't working at the same job as when I last spoke with him.

Quick backstory, we met in community college and there was this instant connection after only an hour of conversation. But he was with his girl and I was with my me. But we couldn't deny this incredible thing between us and were falling for each other fast. We stayed in touch off and on for 3 years before we stopped speaking.

On a whim, I find him on Classmates.com and leave him a message. Thursday, and after over 3 years of non-contact, he calls and it was just like old time. I joked about catching up since we are "old college buddies" and he said to me he can't even pretend that that is all we were. He says he's going to put my number on speed dial and asks if I'mmarried yet. Not! He happily tells me he's single. He then tells me he's off that weekend and to call him, we should get a drink.

I couldn't stop jumping up and down after that call because after all these years we're both single at the same time.

I call him at 1:30pm on Saturday asking what he's up to that night, and to call me so we can get a drink.

Here is is, Monday and he never called back.

I get a message from Classmates.com in the morning confirming that he read my other message at 10:30pm Saturday night (?). So he was home that night. WTF!!!

So, that is it. I did my part and am not about to chase around yet another guy who can't even return a phone call.

I thought maybe something could happen here. Oh well.

Just had to get that off my chest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 12:57pm

It could be that he didn't want to seem lame for not having plans for the weekend and he's trying to play it cool.

Give it another day or so before you write him off. If you still have that kind of connection after three years, it might be worth pursuing. It's at least worth one date, right?

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 1:27pm
I agree - that's a lot of pressure to put on someone right away. Calling them and then asking for plans that night. It might have put him off a little. It might just all be moving a little fast for him too. Hopefully it's not that he is with someone else and putting off a face to face meeting for that reason.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 2:06pm

I hope you and tallgirl are right. We have never really had the opportunity to really date because we ere with other people and with him there was a connection that I've never felt with anyone else.

But he did ask me to call him this weekend and told me he had the whole weekend off, so if he was really interested, he could have at least called and said he was busy or another time.

It's stupid little head games like this that is making me completely jaded and to the point where I don't want to call any guy anymore. I mean we're adults now, at almost 30. A simple phone call is all I ask. If you're not interested, busy or have something going on, don't put on a false front, don't humor me and don't tell me to call.

I will not chase!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 2:43pm
Does he have your number? If so, I'd just let him use it.
If he doesn't have it, I'd send it to him and leave it at that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 9:35am

Ok, so now it's Wednesday and still no call. I'd like to just give up like I do with every other interesting man I meet but because I put so much effort into trying to find him and because he seemed genuinely interested in seeing me again, I will wait until Thursday and call him again.

After this, I will make no one more calls. If he then does not return my call, I will consider it another lost cause and give up on him too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 12:56pm

God dating does suck! Especially with men's habitual tendency of pulling stunts like this--if you're not interested just say so and don't say "call me" etc...men seem to think we'll break down if we'll tell them that, but we, on the other hand are strong enough to take it and just want to be told the truth.

CL214, I would NOT call him again tomorrow. He knows your number and you've emailed and called with no response (you did send a second email) right? Don't chase after him...I know its tempting and god knows I've been there before (act as I say not as I do) ;), but chasing after him just makes him lose respect for you....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 7:42pm

I wouldn't call either. Let him figure it out.

How come men are afraid of the phone? Its like a snake or something that will bite if they approach it.

Rubyshoes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 11:06pm

I agree with the other two.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 9:03am

Thanks, everyone for your responses. I've decided to give up on him and move on. He has my number and email address and if he were interested, he'd call.