He forgot to mention that he was engaged

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
He forgot to mention that he was engaged
3
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 7:30am

I feel like the biggest looser...

I'm recently divorced... a while back I became friends with this guy,, we would just hang out and do stuff together occasionaly.. it was all purley platonic..

One day he came over to my house and we made out, he got all weird on me and left... He avoided me untill I confronted him appologizing for what happened.. I mean clearly what we did was bad judgement and I just wanted to clear things up with him so that I would not have to duck around a corner when I saw him.. He emails me a cold email back saying that he did not want to be in a relationship and that he hopes that I didn't think that he was after one thing... he said that he hoped that I understood... I was sort of confused because I had given him no indication that I wanted to be in a relationship but I chalked it up and decided to let things go... after all he clearly was not into me at all and I decided to move on... after all being newly divorced I have no business even thinking about getting involved with someone...

Well, he starts emailing me, not a lot but just enough to keep me on a string I guess... At first I got hopeful cause I really liked this guy and I thought well maybe he is just wanting to give me my space, maybe he just wants to be friends.. he even went as far as to call me last week.. The conversation was brief but i thought it was good...

Fast forward to this week... Yesterday by accident.. I met his fiance.... I had no idea he even had a girlfriend much less a fiance...in all the times that we talked before we made out he never once mentioned a girlfriend... in fact we talked about a couple of girls who he had gone out with before... I did not let his fiance know that I knew her boyfriend nor will I ever... I just can't do that to someone... so his secret is safe with me.. but my question is... why did he continue to try and have contact with me after what took place.. clearly he felt guilty about it and that is why he got all weird and avoided me...

I feel like I have been punched in the gut... not so much because I liked him but because I feel like the biggest fool out there... I don't know what to hate him for more... the fact that he cheated on his Girlfriend or the fact that he made me look stupid... I mean what kind of girl did he take me for?

Is this what I have to look forward to when I decide I want to date again? How can you tell the players from the real men out there? I mean this took me totaly by surprise. I'm so embarrased because I kissed another girls boy friend...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 8:39am
(Sigh)
You're not the first to experience this nor will you be the last.
It's a shame what goes on out there with some of these men.
I went through something similar except he wasn't quite engaged yet but close enough to it.
People play games and it's hard to weed out the sincere ones from the ones who are just looking for fun.
You're right not to mention anything to his fiance because after all it's done and in the past and what could you gain from it anyway? It certainly would not tear them up.
All you could do is let it go and try not to be bitter about it and just move on to the next one.
I understand how you feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 9:44am

Chmcga,

The way I see it, out of you, your ex and his fiancee, you're the clear winner in all this. He lives a lie, she marries someone who cheats on her but you can walk away to find someone more deserving of you. The way he treated you is no reflection on your character and it doesn't make you look stupid or gullible. You acted in complete sincerity thinking he was available and you have no reason to feel guilty. Not all men are like this but as I've said before sometimes when a man isn't into you, it can be a blessing in diguise.

Feisty

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 12:23pm
First, you should not be embarassed. You aren't the one in the wrong, he is. Second, not all guys are shady like that so every dating experience (hopefully) won't be like that. I can't tell you how better to decipher the players from the real single men, but just keep your eyes open.