The Desirability of Unavailability

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
The Desirability of Unavailability
7
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 12:29pm
a new beginning.


Edited 8/20/2006 2:20 am ET by damsel_cherie4
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 4:23pm

I think people who attract the unavailable either don't really want a relationship in the first place or are scared of something actually working out- the unknown.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 10:08pm

What do you mean by loners? What is wrong with them or do you mean that those two happen to be psychotic?

I think I am in a situation similar to yours, except I am guy looking for a girl. Whenever I am interested in someone, she is either unavailable or not interested. People say that I am always looking at the wrong places, looking at the wrong people who, according to some, are not worthwhile. Perhaps you are doing the same thing too. Just a thought....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 5:29am

"you've gotta take the leap once in awhile" I like that you said that. =)
So this weekend, I'm going on my very first date in a long long time. I've always been too afraid to try. I'm not sure what I want out of this, so I'll see how it goes. Phew. I'm a bundle of nerves!

And I'm sure you'd make a brilliant mum!! The father of your children is going to be one lucky lucky man.

Thanks for your advice!! ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 5:37am

There really is nothing wrong with loners are there? Oh my.. Maybe it's just me then.
But often a personality like that translates into a lack of confidence and self-esteem. How do you begin to like someone who don't even like themselves in the first place?
It'd be hard.

People like us, seek novelty in the unavailable, because we love a challenge..
That's when we end up losing. :(

Oh and good luck for your speed dating thing! Have fun yea??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 7:27am

<But often a personality like that translates into a lack of confidence and self-esteem. How do you begin to like someone who don't even like themselves in the first place?>>

A loner may just be an introvert - a person who likes people but loves being alone with his or her own thoughts. Some people just love the silence and tranquility of being alone. I think introverts have very good self esteem because if you are spending a lot of time with yourself you have to be able to like yourself! Iri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 8:18am
I agree with you.
Loners do not always suffer from low self esteem. Some people are very private and enjoy their own company which to me does not make them suffer from low self esteem. I happen to be considered a loner. It's not that I dislike people but I enjoy my own solitude.
Sometimes you'll find that people who need a whole bunch of people around them are insecure fraidy cats who cannot be alone.
Don't discard someone because he/she happens to be a loner. Sometimes they're very independent, strong minded individuals.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 8:48am

Hehehe...I agree with you guys.