Maybe someone knows why...
Find a Conversation
Maybe someone knows why...
| Thu, 08-17-2006 - 3:47pm |
A few months ago I bumped into a guy I hadn’t seen since high school (we’re both 28); apparently we hit it off and hung out a few times; then I didn’t hear from him. I bumped into him 2 weeks ago, turned out he lost his phone ( I noticed his new phone) and he wanted my number. I received a call (around 6am) a week later; turns out he’s intoxicated and confessing how much he thinks about me, why out of the blue we bumped into each other after all these years and he can’t get me out of his mind, how it’s my fault he thinks about me. He called me 3 times in a span of 20 minutes wanting to see me, wanting me to come over so we can sleep (no intercourse, just to “sleep”) and he wanted to wake up with me next to him (we’ve never had intercourse ). I told him I couldn’t because he’s drunk and to sleep; that we can talk later. Mind you, he’s a very nice guy…always had been since I can remember (I knew him since 8th grade) . I left him a message few days later asking if he wanted to hang out on that Friday; didn’t hear from him, so I sent a funny text on that Friday…It’s been a week and nothing. Can someone explain? I always thought the truth comes out when someone’s drunk…

Pages
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I don't claim to have inside information on what goes on in the minds of men. If I did, I'd be selling it and making a bundle. :)
I just think if I made a gushy call like that while drunk, I might think twice about what I said and how the other person interpreted it.
My advice - let it lie for now. If he calls - sober and sincere - then great. If not, you're saved some heartache.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
"I always thought the truth comes out when someone’s drunk…"---well, that is the case, sometimes. You say he's a "nice guy" so I take that as meaning he's not a 'player'---in which case he probably feels like an idiot, especially since you rejected him. And even though our definition of rejection differs from theirs, in his mind, he wanted something (you) and you told him no. So that's rejection to him even though your reason was 1000% justifiable. And kudos to you for being strong!! I would have been really tempted to fall for the old 'just hold you, no sex I promise' crap!
He had no business calling you at 6:00am....he's 28 not 18. After 25, you can't use "I was wasted!" excuse to make phone calls at ridiculous hours.
So, what are your options? Call him one more time.....And though I'm NO advocate of games, bottom line is that guys play them and sometimes we have to be sneaky to get what we want (not manipulative or scheming--but like, 'catch more flies with honey than vinegar')......anyway, my point is...call him from a number he won't recognize b/c you need to get him on the phone and if he's still being a baby, then he probably won't answer your call if he recognizes your number. But once you get him on the phone, he's not going to hang up on you (if he does then you don't want him anyway) then you can be very very easy on him, happy to talk to him and can even presume that he did NOT get your earlier message/invitation.....or very playfully that he's just wayyyy too busy to return your call/invitation (remember to say it in a very playful, silly way)....trust your intuition from that point on....how is he reacting? is he receptive? does he use this opportunity to make plans to see you again? At this point, YOU'VE made the move and put YOURSELF on the line, if he doesn't bite, then he's just not that into you. Good luck!
NY78...,
That is just plain creepy..., that's how stalking starts. What do you think he will do next time he's drunk???
I'll tell you what..., he's going to remember you calling him back and think the door is still open.
You should have told him that was inappropriate..., that he owed you an apology..., and that he should not contact you again.
Sometimes women help to make bad situations worse...., and this is a good example.
Adrastos
She should absolutely NOT call him again under disguise and play off the fact that he made a drunken booty call and then ignored her phone calls to see each other while sober.
>I always thought the truth comes out when someone’s drunk…
I think it would be better to say that people lose their inhibitions and become shameless when they are drunk. He wants to have sex with you and nothing else. What he did is tantamount to a drunk man walking up to a woman at a bar and saying “Hey baby, you are so sexy, I want to go to bed with you, not to have sex baby, just to sleep together and wake up with you”.
Trust me, there isn’t a man on earth who literally wants to sleep with a woman when he suggests going bed together. Also, if he were really into you he wouldn’t lose contact just because he lost his phone, which is one of the most ridiculous excuses imaginable. But, you think he is a genuine nice guy and you have known him longer than I have.
Hey '78,
I think it's ok to give him the benefit the doubt and see what happens. You never know. And about the whole sleeping together, but not sleeping together thing. It can be confusing. It seems like 98% of the time the guy just wants to have sex. A couple of times in my life, the guy actually did mean snugglage.
I think his drunk phone calls are only a problem if they become a habit. Also, don't forget you haven't seen him in a million years, so it's possible he might not be as sweet as you remember.
Good luck,
Flix
Pages