flings or one night stands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
flings or one night stands
13
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 4:00am

I was just wondering everyone's opinions on flings(short term relationships that you know won't last) or one night stands.

I've never had one but want to. However, when the opportunity came up, i backed off, but later regretted it.

I just wonder how you feel about it after? good ? bad?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 11:48am

Until the serious relationship im in now, I only ever had a few one night stands and the occasional fling. BUT I would warn you. I was a naive girl and thought that each and every one would develop into a relationship. They naturally never did and I was left feeling disappointed. I never felt like I was wrong, bad or dirty in any way, just fed up that yet another potential relationship was ruined by me sleeping with them way too soon. Whilst I had lots of fun, my end goal was just getting more and more unobtainable.

Saying that, I did enjoy 90% of them and dont regret them at all. But I would only enter into one if you are certain that you could handle it being just that. Most people find they can't and feelings become involved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 8:41pm

From my experience, usually one person is under the assumption that something more then sex would come of a fling or one nighter. Be careful and clear what both are looking for and have fun. Even though these flings are one night stands, a lot of communication is needed.

Have fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 9:12pm

Greetings,

I am guy who does not care for one night stands because by doing that there are so many risk that come up in the future, and in some cases one of the two parties would probably want to go at it again.

Flings are different, but can be dangerious, but more than likely to work if both parties are clear from the begining what's expected, or what each party wants. I have no problem with that. Sometimes flings can lead to the best love affairs. I have learned not to question everything, and if it's with someone that you have known for a good while, and at some point in time dreamed of being with that person,, just go with the flow and appreciate that the other party chose to be with you.

Flings can last for a short while or a long while, and can truly change your life for the better if the chain of communication is always there. Go for it carefully, is what I say, and good luck.

Avatar for filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 10:12pm

Well, I used to be for them, on occasion. But not anymore. There's just something I hate about cheap sex with no meaning. Though, I have been bruised in the past enough to get this way.

But, I did enjoy it back then. Sex was fun and exciting. I was never one to get emotionally attached, so I could do it and not care about falling in love. I don't regret doing it, but I have to say that I probably wouldn't enjoy it now.




Edited 8/24/2006 10:30 pm ET by filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 1:58pm

I tried one earlier this year, thinking "I'm an adult. It's no big deal. We'll keep it casual."

It didn't work. I got attached, and I got hurt. I'm just not a fling type of person. I think you have to know whether or not you are. Don't do it if you're not, because you will likely get hurt.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 4:44pm
I've had one-night stands - under the influence of wayyyyy too much alcohol; and Yes I regretted it. The regrets came in because I acted irresponsibly in terms of the drinking.
But I think you have to know yourself. If you can have sex with someone and have absolutely no expectations afterward, then go for it. But, if you're the sort who gets emotionally attached with every sexual encounter, then a one-night stand may not be for you. You may end up catching feelings that aren't returned. I'm unclear on what a fling really is. Is it like a sexual relationship with no strings attached? I guess it's different for different people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 5:58am

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "one night stands", are you asking our opinion on just having sex for the sake of having sex?

If that is your question, then my personal opinion is No. I value myself much more than that to just jump in the sack with someone to satisfy a physical need.

That being said, each of us must make our own decisions, and we each have the right to do just that. It's none of my business what other people choose to do, and vice versa. I don't judge others, and expect the same in return.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:45pm
It's about knowing yourself and what you can or can't handle. Not trying to fool yourself but being honest with what you REALLY can handle. I know that for me a fling or one night stand is not an option. I've had one fling and I know for a fact that I get attached and I feel dirty and disrespected afterwards so I don't get involved with those sorts of things anymore. I know how to set boundaries for myself. Right now I'm taking a break from relationships to heal over some things but I know that for the future I'm looking for a meaningful relationship and nothing else so I'm not going to waste my time or hurt myself by getting involved in "meaningless pursuits". I really am a sexual person and sometimes it's hard for me knowing that I don't have that option of physical closeness now since I'm not in a relationship, but I deal with it knowing that a fling would just make me feel worse. But to each is own. It's a matter of how well you know yourself and what YOUR preferance is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 7:59pm
I desire adventure. I have only been with one guy. I am curious.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 8:11pm

So you don't know yet how you'd handle casual sex emotionally. Well, you won't know until you try but I think the majority of women are unable to have sex and not get emotionally attached, so be prepared to be hurt.

Sheri

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