When to give up on him
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 09-03-2006 - 5:20pm |
First off, thanks for reading this. I appreciate the input.
Guys really confuse me. I think I'm a fairly good catch, but I haven't been asked out in a while (we're talking 11 months). I'm a grad student, so I don't get to spend a lot of time trying to meet guys. I happened to meet a really great guy through a volunteer group about a year ago, though. At first I thought he was a dork, but the more I got to know him, the more attractive he became. He didn't smoke, drink, was college educated, funny, and had fantastic morals. Needless to say, I started to dig him....from a distance. I never told him how I felt. I never flirted with him because it felt inappropriate, and we were never around each other outside of the volunteering position. He was always friendly towards me, maybe a little interested, but I didn't want to read into something that wasn't there. I was too chicken to ask him out or initiate anything.
To make matters worse, this guys just moved out of state - or shall I say halfway across country - to start grad school himself. We've e-mailed back and forth a couple of times, but nothing substantial. I have started asking myself: Should I just give it up? Part of me says "forget him, he knew you for a year and never asked you out. If he was interested by now, he would have made a move," and another part of me says "Maybe he didn't ask me out because it would have been inappropriate to ask out a volunteer. Maybe if I keep in touch, he'll come around."
Since he is very much out of state and I won't be running into him any time soon, should I e-mail him and tell him how I feel? Or should I not even bother with him and realize that he is not interested?
I'm driving myself crazy and am in the need of some good old common sense. Any advice? Thank you!

i really couldn't tell you what to do now, though i would be a little nervous about sending him an email professing your feelings. it seems like it would hard be to do anything about it now, even if he did feel the same way, and if you catch him off gaurd, it could sort of freak him out, and you could lose out on a chance to reconnect later.
that aside, i don't think him never asking you out means he ever definitively decided he wasn't interested - it sounds like you never really gave him a clue that you were interested in him!
it was nice of you to draw up boundaries, but you can't expect him to pick up any vibes with polite, reserved and limited communication. when a guy consistently acts that way toward me, i tend to assume he has a gf or just isn't interested, and i just classify him as nice and unavailable, end of story.
my advice to you would maybe be to put yourself out there a little more, not necessarily with declarations of feelings, but just with flirting, and making yourself seem available. you seem sensible, and i am sure you can keep the flirtation within the bounds of decorum. you might have a little fun with it, too!
I think your first thought was right on.