Assumptions
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| Wed, 09-06-2006 - 10:38pm |
Am I alone on this one?
Usually when I'm seeing someone or in a relationship (more so during the beginning stages of dating) I find myself assuming things. I assume the worst to prevent myself from getting hurt but oftentimes I find that my assumptions are what hurt me the most. For example, a guy I've been seeing said, "My relatives are planning a small farewell party for my cousin this Saturday." I would then assume he said that to avoid seeing me on Saturday, or I would assume he was saying that as a way to tell me we won't be hanging out that day.
Am I crazy or do other females do the same thing? It's probably because I sometimes don't say what I really mean, or I send subliminal messages so that's how I interpret things said from the opposite sex. Bizarre huh?

Actually, it's usually the guy who makes assumptions about what I'm thinking or feeling - and that kills the relationship before it even has a chance to start. I would much prefer someone to come out and tell me he's confused about what I said, or what might have been implied in a reaction of mine. I've had several people bail early on because I tend to be pretty reserved at first, and they assume that means I'm not into them. It's frustrating.
So, I'd say to you to try your best to stop assuming the worst. Go to the source and ask in a non-threatening way. In the party example, say something like "that sounds like a great time -- do you think you'd have time to meet me for lunch before the party?" Or something like that. It gives him the opportunity to see you, shows that you want to see him, and also opens up the possibility of him inviting you to join him.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Usually our assumptions are wrong and only end up working against us. If you see that pattern, then it should be easy to adjust your thinking??
I do think that women tend to read into thing WAY too much and it usually ends up driving us nuts, then being productive. I am sure the comment he made, had nothing to do with ditching you that day.
Try to stop reading into things too much. Easier said then done, but you will be so much happier for it...
LOL! You are not the only one!! A guy I met just told me I'd like to assuming things!! He asked me to hang out at his apartment at the first "date"--I "assumed" he wanted to have sex with me; He asked me to go clubbing with his friends, and I don't know his friends, so I "assumed" I will get bored, he told me they had fun, he bought drinks for everyone and I am "wrongfully assumed" that I will be bored!!
So no you are not the only one!! But what I am thinking is that, we assume things because we don't know what they are thinking! For guys, they should send our the message more clearly and directly, that's not all our fault!
I think it is human nature to make assumptions. I am very guilty of making assumptions all the time and it can be detrimental to some relationships.
Women tend to overanalize everything for some reason. I am not sure if it is in our nature or just human conditioning.
I find that my life is easiest when I assume nothing.